My W did tell me she doesn't mind listening to what I have to say. I'm treading water with this. When we talked last night she did cry and told me she loved me but not in love with me. The funny thing is we went out Saturday I suprised her by taking her to an art gallery, she was extremely excited when we pulled up. We then went to church in one of the countries olds cathloc churches. She thought that was awesome we then went to outdoor venue that had some bands plaguing and we new two of the members. We then went home I lit a candle and gave her a massage we then made love. And now I'm Here.
That's fine, but unfortunately she probably sees it as "too little too late". It takes WAS's a LOOOONG time to change their minds.
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So my question is what if I can get her to read DB or DR or both.
Don't, she's not ready. If she ever expresses interest in reconciling then maybe then, but if she reads them now then she will see what you're doing as just tactics you read in a book to get her back, not things from your heart.
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I have about 3 months to DB my but off. W said she filed on Tuesday, no kids in this marriage just step kids so it should only take 3 months in this state.
Just remove all pressure. Do not EVER initiate convo's about D, the M or R. If you can remove all pressure, she may decide not to pursue D. WAS's do not like pressure, when you pressure them it makes them speed up the D or S process. Remove pressure and they usually back down. She is not required to file the decree exactly 3 months after the petition, the 3 months is a minimum wait. She can wait as long as she wants after that.
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So I walked up to her and kissed her, she began to tear up and I asked what's wrong she said nothing.
Never say "what's wrong", say "how are you feeling" or "are you feeling OK". When you say "what's wrong" then any answer except "nothing" implies that there's something wrong with her.
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I know I jumped a bit with this blog I'm writing. I'm going to act as if for now it's hard to do all of this. So I'm not sure going dark is a good idea.
Don't go dark, it's never for the WAS, it's for the LBS if they have trouble detaching. Or if the WAS is just bat$hit crazy. It's better to follow Sandi2's 37 Rules in the early stages of DB'ing, read them daily and live them, and give them time to work.
