Hey Reb, I haven't had time to read the old thread yet. Also, I'm not very experienced yet a DB'ing but it does sound a lifeline might be helpful. You said you are hearing things from D's...how often does he get to see them? Maybe times when everyone gets together 'for them' would be a possible? It might give you exposure that you don't make about the R.
I'm not good at this, so I'm sorry if I'm not much help.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
