Quick review: H moved out abruptly 19 months ago. We did mc for a few months last spring, but H made clear it was only to rebuild relationship with d18 & d16. Also did Retrouvaille last September, H still in mlc, no desire to work on relationship but he has noticed and commented frequently about me being a changed person. A year or less ago, ever comment or notice about changes would have been a firework in my brain hoping something would spark for him. Now it's an accepted reality and the marriage we had, the person I was seems so different. It's not a painful memory anymore, just a disbelief that half of my life was with H in a false sense of reality. We did the best we could... but now I sure know a lot better.
H & I rarely talk anymore. Very rarely. But I hear tid bits from dds and I've been truly worried about him the past couple of weeks. I assume he's working a lot like always, but he's been really really low profile for the past month. He's seemed very depressed the past couple months, combined with a confrontation about his drinking in December. I don't see him much, but the couple times I've asked how he's doing he quickly replied he's fine... which leads me to - can someone remind me why I shouldn't do a temp check with H?
I've thought about it & would like to say 'I know it's easy to say you're fine and dismiss help from people that love you, but I truly want to know how you're doing and I'm here for you.' I think I can say that while still being fairly detached.
Basically H & I have no connection now. Haven't for many months. And it builds up a wall. I've been improving my life and am quite content most of the time. But I wonder if this wall will ever be scaled if I don't throw up a ladder first.
