I tried a very simplified version of something Wonka suggested on Blues thread.

Last night when s was crying "where is daddy?" Instead of my usual at work or out reply I said "daddy is dealing with stuff that has nothing to do with mommy or s so he has to go out and spend time by himself. You will be asleep when he gets home but you will see him after school tomorrow."

It worked that time. We will see what happens next time.

Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15