Mach, Gabbymom23, Lois, CW, AJM, KenF, LFW, Mirage and Rick1963.

Thank you all for your responses! I am so blessed to have so many people respond on my thread and provide suggestions.

I am aware of scenarios where my own feeling may not allow me to see certain things – so I come here looking for an objective views, which all of you have provided. In the case of Toria, she is my youngest and only girl, so I knew my emotion were going to play a role. Thanks to all of you. I was able to step back, read comments and then make choices that were objective and applicable to me. From the bottom of my heart – thank you.

That said, here is what I decided to do....

I spoke with Toria yesterday, she was still somewhat quiet and really did not want to talk about it. I can tell she is embarrassed. Since she was somewhat closed off, I did not push too hard. I did try and explain to her, that she does not have to accept this behavior. That she matters. That I am here, in whatever way she needs me to be there for her. Her responses were typical from a child that does not fully understand how they feel. In short, had I pushed any harder she was going to shut down. So after our little talk, we just went about our day. I took her dance class, she was able to see and spend time with the friends that I believe treat her well. We had dinner (Teriakyi Cornish hen ala “daddy style”) and then struggled to find a movie that worked for both of us. I offered to watch a movie about bully’s – she shot that down in a second. We landed on a Chef Ramsey cooking show. Toria fell asleep earlier than usual, probably because she was emotionally spent.

This morning we talk a little (once again, she don’t want to get into the details and I will respect that) and I just reminder her, that if she needs me – I am here. If the other children start with her, that she has a couple of choices 1) ignore them after telling them to leave her alone 2) discuss it with a teacher or 3) call me. I explained that I would support whatever choice she made. She said, ok. When she opened the Jeep door, she had her head down and walked quickly into the school. I can tell that she is not comfortable. I also made the choice to allow her to LEARN how to deal with this….or better yet, give her an opportunity to deal with it. Lord knows, if she calls me, or if when she get’s home she is crying – then all I can say…is lord help anyone involved who is hurting my little girl. Yep that is Papa Bear talking…and if you think mama bears are tough you haven’t tough till you see this Papa Bear. LOL. No seriously, I will see how she feels today and respond accordingly.

Given, Toria’s personality type, I believe it is important for her to try and sort this out. She is a tough little cookie, having grown up with 2 older brother. Based on how she comes home today I will…..

Scenario 1 – She comes home and says that they left her alone or that whatever they may have said did not bother her i.e. she is really okay – hurt still but she will fine.

My reaction to scenario 1 is to….remind her that I am here if she needs me and then let it go. No call to parents, no call to my X, nada…just keep an eye on things and follow up if need be.

Scenario 2 – She comes home crying….and says that she is having a hard time.

My reaction to scenario 2 – I call this the “papa bear gloves off scenario”

1) Talk to a counselor at the school to alert them of the sitch.
2) Request that the counselor contact my X and communicate with her the sitch – excluding my name.
3) Determine what a. Toria will feel comfortable with b. what I feel comfortable with and c. what option the school suggest (i.e. change classes, etc.)
4) Contact the parents and alert them of what is going on.
5) Protect Toria at all cost.

In terms of scenario that is not quite scenario 1 and not scenario 2…my approach is quite the same…assess and react accordingly. My goal here is 1) show Toria how to handle sitchs like this 2) be there for her in whatever makes sense and 3) protect her from harm as best as I can.

Thank you again everyone!

Have a great weekend.


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans