I hate to say this because I went through this struggle just a few weeks ago. But you have to stop trying to touch her/hug her/kiss her/say you love her.
From what you've said it's pretty clear she's given you signs that she's uncomfortable with all of those things because she doesn't know if it's the truth. To YOU, it's the truth. It doesn't matter how YOU feel in dealing with a W.A.W.
You can be kind without being needy. You can be caring without being needy. Remember, "Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write." Trust me, I know. I went through this from January 1st, 2014 up to February 7, 2014.
Like Sandi's rules say, she's not feeling very loveable at the moment. Especially towards you. Hugging her, telling her how much you care, saying "I love you," are all things that express love.
Now, in terms of mixed signals, I fully understand how that goes. Don't expect that to change soon. BUT, I've been working on the 180 for the last two weeks. We had a heated conversation a week ago (but that was over the arrangement of our separation and not necessarily about our M or R so it probably wasn't a bad thing) but all in all, things have been much better for me personally. I've learned that I am okay with myself and my life. I want her to be in my life forever and want our marriage to last in the worst possible way. But I also had a moment of clarity that told me that life would go on for me without her as well.
She doesn't make as many of the "mixed" comments that she did before I started doing the 180. She hasn't thrown out a "barb" my way about the "future" in 2 weeks. I think she now knows that I'm going to move forward with or without her. For myself obviously, but for our kids as well (they need me to be the stable father that I've always been).
See what I mean? I know that's hard and our situations aren't exactly the same. But I've come to realize that W.A.W.'s think they know exactly what they need to be happy. The reality is they don't. Again, back to Sandi's rules. "Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior." A W.A.W. doesn't want to break up the family. They will feel absolute guilt over this fact (unless they don't care about how it will impact their children and if that's the case who would want to be married to someone like that?). Hence the mixed signals.
Keep posting.
Me: 33 W: 27 S: 5 D: 2 Bomb: 1/2/14 First Separation: 1/25/14 MC: 2/7/14 (one time only) Moved Back in: 3/31/14 W says she wants a divorce and moves out: 7/26/14 Appt to sign dissolution: 12/30/14
