It has been a difficult two weeks for me. Valentine day was extremely difficult for me because w spent that special day with OM.
It'll get better. I used to get depressed thinking about W flitting about with OM on holidays too, now my focus is on my life, not what W is doing or who she's doing it with. You'll get there too, just be patient with yourself, it takes a while.
Quote:
I honestly don't know where to go from here but to pray to God for guidance. I'm hoping for the best but everything looks bad right now. To be honest, I'm starting to lose hope.
Your sitch just started in December, right? So you're not even 3 months in. This early you really don't know where things are going. Like we always say, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Take a deep breath and settle in for the long haul. When you say you're losing hope, that tells me you're focusing too much on your M. When you are fully embracing GAL your marital problems become something going on in the background. I'm not saying you never think about it, but you won't focus on how good or bad it is, you'll just live your life and let that shake out how it will. The first 3 to 6 months was the most difficult part for me, after that I began to care less and less about where it was going and became more interested in where I was going. You need patience not just for your W, but for you too.
Since you mentioned God, one thing I learned from my experience is despite an INSANE amount of my praying to the contrary, God is NOT willing to operate on my timeline. I just kept praying for him to bring W back to me ASAP. Sometimes dozens of times a day. All those prayers went unanswered. Some people might go through that and decide there is no God. But I stepped back and said "what is God trying to tell me?" IE, he knows what I want, and he's not giving it to me, why is that? I think it was because he wanted me to find myself, to make more of myself, to quit coasting through life and start LIVING it. Take chances, the risks are greater but so are the rewards. So that's what I do now, and I am enjoying life more than I have in many years (since well before BD). Maybe God will yet bring us back together, but at this point I've accepted that if that ever happens it will be years from now and well after D. My point is adjust your praying, I mean do pray for your W and your M, but also pray that he shows you the path he wants you on. It may not be the path you want to be on.
