Journaling feelings, taken from a letter to a (gay woman) friend:
So a divorce really truly seems to be on the horizon here. d15 told me last night that “we” are looking for an apartment, as the housing market and world will crash soon. If only she knew that “we” is not what she thinks.
I was devastated, but did not show it. So W has told our still at home child that we are moving, without asking me. I suppose I am glad that W broached this, if it has to be, and not me, but this makes it so much more concrete.
Oh friend, I so hate to leave my marriage, this house, this place. To feel the hand of time and parting and being alone again. There is so much comfort for the spirit here, in the routine, and coming to a shared place, to hear the sounds of the others, to be home.
Oh my dear.
***
Magic - what do you mean by how it will be for me? How good my life will be? I think there is going to be a large chunk of grief to digest first, then - maybe - something lighter coming, with work.
You want me to show my anger at Wife scr**ing up my life? Breaking what is dear and comforting to me?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
