The only times I really feel anger is when I'm working out/running. Hmmmmm. Maybe it's all of the endorphins, or my testosterone levels spike for a bit?? I was angry a lot several weeks ago, but now it is currently isolated for these moments.
BTW, some of the ridiculous scenarios that run through my head during these times are hilarious. Oy!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
So I just dropped tax stuff to H at work. He came out to the car to get it and turned it in to a chatty "visit". I was expecting to just drop off the stuff and leave- actually I was hoping to just do that.
All of our interactions are so awkward- I hate them! Seriously, I do not look forward to seeing him right now. It's so surreal-he's a complete stranger to me.
When does that go away?
BLECH!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
It has been 7 months since BD for me and our interactions are still awkward a lot of the time. I am not sure if it is going to get better because we know less and less about each others lives as time passes. I guess you just get used to it and are no longer surprised that it is awkward. It totally svcks to feel like your H is a complete stranger when he used to be the closest person to you in the world.
I truly dislike seeing him. But, I feel like I have to, or we won't get anywhere. I guess he really seems gross to me right now. He is NOT someone I would ever be attracted to.
Maybe him being able to be "the good guy" next week will change the dynamic a bit. I need something to shift.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
I'm right there with you gals!! At first it was awkwardness, because we were once so close and I think neither one of us really knew how to navigate this new separateness. But then it turned into where I just don't know my H at all anymore. It's like he's some completely different person. At first, it made me sad and I would often cry after seeing him. But now, I want to avoid him at all costs, because he irritates me, and I always leave the conversation feeling crappier than when I started it.
I am not sure it will ever go away. I think it will always be weird to think that I was once so close to someone whom I really don't know at all, and maybe never did.
Yuck.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
To which I'm fuming in my head. But waited a bit to respond so I could do it appropriately. This is how the convo went:
Me: you have a home H: yes, but I have to keep it rented so I can give you money. (He is referring to a rental house we have. It was his before we met and he moved in here, can't sell his so we rent it). Me: that's not what I was referring to. H: you mean your house? (Again, I'm fuming because he KNOWS it would annoy the crud out of me when he called it "my" house) Me: it's a house, it doesn't need a possessive pronoun. I moved in 2 months before we met. I don't consider it "my" house. But, yes. H: (after many many minutes of silence) thank you, you are still so kind to me when I don't deserve it. I sometimes wonder why. I have treated you horribly and caused you so much pain. I have messed everything up and my life is a disaster. I am sorry for the pain I have caused you and D12.
I had enough at that point so I changed the subject. He kept getting sad and having a pity party. HOWEVER, he wants to take me and D12 out for food/ice cream next week. That will be the first time he's seen her since BD. Soooo, I think that's good.
THEN he talked about the fact that he is starting to not get along with the guy he's living with. Ooooohhhhhhh man! This may get interesting!!!!
Hope I handled that convo correctly. I let it get to me (sigh)- I started to cry when I got the text of him admitting how messed up his life is. DANG IT!!!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Forgot to document yesterday: had IC. I really enjoy going now, just wish it wasn't so expensive! Told him about H's behavior the last 2weeks- I'm always trying to be cautiously optimistic, and IC told me to take a step back and look at the positives. He said H has obviously shifted in to a different space- even if it's only temporary, he has been thinking and evaluating on some level, and that's a huge step in the right direction. So, I'm trying to appreciate recent happenings instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop...
He also said he wants me to have a R talk with H--- nope! Not right now! What I've been doing has been working, and I'm gonna keep with it for the moment. Now if H brings it up, then okay. But I don't see the point in doing it now.
Anyway- surgery tomorrow. H is picking me up at 10 to grab breakfast beforehand (just local anesthetic). So, I should have another update tomorrow...
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Told him about H's behavior the last 2weeks- I'm always trying to be cautiously optimistic, and IC told me to take a step back and look at the positives. He said H has obviously shifted in to a different space- even if it's only temporary, he has been thinking and evaluating on some level, and that's a huge step in the right direction. So, I'm trying to appreciate recent happenings instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop...