I love her... but she doesn't - Desperate

[D2ndday]

Ask me now about how I should have behaved, and I would say I was a stupid crud. But at the time I did not realize I was hurting her. Rather, I thought that I was playing "devil's advocate" when we discussed those things, or I thought that I shouldn't take sides between my W and my parents - stupid...

This bit me in the butt. I come from a family that likes to argue. We argue the way you do. My W does not. So when I would take a opposite side on something, she saw that as the way I felt. When the Bomb dropped, she brought some of these conversations up trying to throw them back at me. I tried to explain that I did not really feel those ways. Reminded her, she has seen me and my mother go at it for hours over something "silly" All of this was to help her figure out the pros and cons, and commit to whatever it was or not.

I was a little shocked that she threw it back at me, since to me these were, in my mind, pretty insignificant conversations. Not to her! So, I can relate and in hindsight I would have chosen another approach.

I have to believe there is hope when the W is still in the house. If things were so bad, and if I were in my W shoes, I would leave. You know what I mean. If I was miserable with my spouse, and felt like D was the answer, I would be out. I agree with AS, in that doing those 180's for you, while should be for you, might be good in other ways as well.