My 2 cents worth...The answer lays in how you want to parent? What are you goals? How do you want to define your relationship with Toria?
For me...I run a house that is much more lax than most. Overall I don't tell the kids what to do....Put I do set what my expectations are for them each day. Certain chores to be done, homework done, etc. What my goal, as a parent, is to raise kids who know what the right decision is. I won't always be there to protect them...so they need to know the difference between right and wrong. Now that doesn't mean I ignore the realities of what is going on in their age groups...as we discuss the consequences that every action or activity may result in.
That said....I agree with keeping her home and not telling her mother. You need to be the rock she knows is there for her. It doesn't matter how trivial we think the issue is...We need to validate and provide the realm of security that they can count on as they grow up. As they grow up...they need to face their hardships on there own, but knowing we are there for them no matter what is the key IMHO.
As for the current situation...Yeah...Know that one. In my situation, we discussed the friends motives, etc...and then I let Courtney decide if she wanted to continue the friendship. She ended the friendship (and a couple more since). She made the decision that people who behave in this manner....aren't really friends. I did keep an eye on the situation (if it had escalated I would have stepped in), but she handled it herself.
Now Dylan was a lot more fun....Asperger's boy that he is. With Dylan, my experience was a lot more like Mach's. They school kept saying it was Dylan....He was the problem....and "if" he was being bullied it was Dylan's fault. It went as far as the other boy's parents were called to the school.....and it was all Dylan.
Eventually Dylan and I developed a bullying escape plan....which the school admin's did not like. Dylan was put in a small group with three of his biggest problem peers (something that I had discussed with the admin would not happen) and Dylan ended up putting the plan into action....and got in trouble because of it. Now Dylan escaped the bullying and this time there was a twist. Instead of the bullying turning into a fight, etc....Dylan could not be blamed for fighting (the second person is always the one who started it) because he walked away. Then another student stepped up and backed up Dylan's story of what was being said to him. The other students were suspended and since then....Dylan hasn't reported a single bullying instance.
So Dylan changed how he reacted to the bullies. In the past he would get in a fight, nobody would believe his story, and he would get suspension of some sort. By being at his back and showing him a different reaction to his problem....Dylan knew I would be there for him.
