LRT isn't about "ignoring" your wife, it's about creating a vacuum without you in her life to meet any of her emotional needs. Many folks make the mistake of going LRT, but maintaining contact during the separation. The contact doesn't allow them to "miss" you. The LBS ends up continuing to meet the WAWs need for conversation, or admiration through phone conversations, while the rest of their needs are met by the OP. in essence, you are trying to force the OM to try to meet ALL of her needs- which he may not be able or willing to do. Right now, he only has to meet SOME of her needs and you meet the rest. LRT is pulling the plug on that.
What can happen is that once the OM has to start trying to provide help with child care, Dr. appointments, bills, chores, etc.- all the REAL LIFE and not so fun stuff- he may start conflict with your W. all of a sudden, the dreamy stolen moments are interrupted by help with homework and "who's cooking dinner tonight?". The OM may decide that those things don't work for him and bail. Additionally, your wife might start complaining to him that he's not pulling his weight, and that she's tired, and why hasn't he been as romantic lately....
You see, in a situation like that, you come out smelling like a rose. Add the fact that you are also the father of her children, and the decision to return to the M is a no brainier. Provided, of course, that you haven't utterly burned your bridges before separation by being a jerk.
Thanks Hs. But how am I to put myself in a vacuum when we are living together with kids - I'm just going out all the time to give her space ... i dont know if she'll eventually miss me. Hell, we're just going on a family vacation and she filed for divorce ...i told I didn't know if we should go but the kids are so excited and she WANTS to. I asked her if she would be ok packing for the kids tonight on her own, etc because I needed to go out and pick something up. She said fine and asked if I could pick up dinner for us ...i just don't know ...we have to talk and let each other know our plans - we have kids. I can't really "not make contact" so how do I create an emotional vacuum?
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
Question ... do you still wear your wedding ring after your W filed ... i still am because I want the M .. Of course W put hers in safety deposit box the day she filed.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
She doesn't want to move out right away. W says she'll wait till divorce is final.
We just got back from a family vacation in the carribean. Don't know what to make of it. I thought I would be sleeping on the couch in the room but when I said goodnight and said I would sleep on the couch, she told me to come to bed...so a week sleeping in the same bed ..no s3x..but after we arrived home I asked her if she was ok sharing the same bed - she said no ..."not comfortable with that". I said ok I'll be in the other room. I don't know ..she mentioned on the trip that she still "plans on divorcing me". It was a great vacation ..but need to get on my journey to GAL ...work on the 180 ...DB book just arrived. Any thoughts appreciated.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
I need to stay on track ...last night mentioned her PA was despicable and as much as she complains about my behavior she should think of what she has put me through ...another argument ...good advice to not talk about M/D/relationship. I must keep reminding me of this.
Then this afternoon we argued because our daughter wanted to go to grandma's house but not our son. I blew up and said to my W that she would now have to take him with her grocery shopping or I would with me ...my W was more than willing to take him (so don't even know why I had to start arguing about it) although I did end up having him hang out with me.
Thanks for letting me vent ...Two steps backwards but will continue to move forward.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
When my W got home last night she told me that I said i wanted our son to go too so we could have some alone time ...maybe I did? ..my neediness again she says ...i really need to do a 180. I need to let her go, not question where she goes or what she does or have her fill any of my needs if that makes sense. She left the house last night at 8 and came home at midnight and told me she met her girlfriend I'll call "Sue". I did tell her you don't need to tell me anything (besides I know it's mostly lies and she probably met the OM with whom she said she has an emotional connection - of course I didn't tell her that). At this point I need to let her go and need to focus on me ...if she comes back - great. Appreciate any advice.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
We had a pleasant night last night. Had a drink together, got the kids bathed and to bed, had a nice dinner with light conversation and watched the Oscars. At 11pm, I gave W a kiss goodnight on the forehead and said goodnight. Is this counterproductive? Should I be doing LRT since she has already filed? Confused ...please advise!
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
