WAW Said She's Done-pt.4- What Happened?

[melissag]

OK, I say this not to be mean, but to help you understand why you have to work on YOU, and stop thinking about your W, what she thinks, etc.

I want her to know, that I know. I want her to know that I feel what she doing is WRONG.

She doesn't care what you feel. And you telling her she is wrong will do the exact opposite of what you want it to do - it will only make her more convinced she is right, and that you are a jerk.

Its disrespectful to me and neglectful to the children.

Yes, but she has a story in her head that makes it OK. And nothing you say will change that story.

[quoteI want her to feel GUILTY about what she is doing so hopefully she will stop.[/quote]

You can't control what she thinks, or manipulate her into stopping.

. . . or move out. I feel if she moves out I can work on detaching more.

Do you actually want her to move out right now? Have you really thought about this, or is this just your emotions talking right now?

Okay. I have one for you guys. Lets say a Spouse has not asked for D and the marriage seems to be going well. Then you find out your spouse is having an affair. Do you sit there quietly and not say anything? OR Do you say something out of love, in hope's the 2 of you "might" be able to work through this together.

But this isn't your sitch. As others have already pointed out, once BD occurs, it's a whole different ballgame.