WAW Said She's Done-pt.4- What Happened?

[OneDay]

Is everyone familiar with "The Walkaway Wife Syndrome" section in MWD's, DR book? This is exactly my stitch, 100% to a tee.
here's a short section "He's thrilled! She's off his back. She must be happy again, or so he thinks and he proceeds with business as usual. Business as usual, that is, until "D Day". That's the day she turns to him and says, "I want a divorce," to which her absolutely devastated husband replies, " I had no idea you were unhappy! Why didn't you tell me?" With that response, the marital coffin is nailed shut."

And let me tell you, at this moment it is NAILD SHUT. She is DONE DONE DONE. I really dont think any amount of DBing, 180's or anything is going to make her change her mind.

That seems like an uphill battle. You've got to prove that she is seeing OM, that she will be exposing him to the kids, and that he's a potential negative influence on the kids. Not sure how to do that unless he has an arrest record.

To the best of my knowledge (and snooping) WAW and 24yr old OM started chatting the 2nd of Feb 2014. A quick internet search found OM name, booking photo and criminal record. (he was the first hit on google) He been arrested 2 times, once in Aug of 13 for DUI, and another in Nov for burglary, Resisting arrest, and Marijuana. So a real winner.

Ask yourself what your overall goal is (to save the M?) Then ask yourself "is what I am about to say/ do moving closer to that goal or farther away?" Not just for the above, but for EVERYTHING.

Now, please describe what you hope to accomplish by confronting her, and why you think confronting her will give you that result.

Yes "MY GOAL" would be to save this marriage. But I dont think WAW is even close to considering R.

I want her to know, that I know. I want her to know that I feel what she doing is WRONG. Its disrespectful to me and neglectful to the children. I want her to feel GUILTY about what she is doing so hopefully she will stop, or move out. I feel if she moves out I can work on detaching more. I personally cant imagine holding out for months while she is with OM for the "possibility" of her wanting to R.

I still think you need to decide if this is a deal breaker or not. If it is a deal breaker, then she has to stop or leave the house. That way she feels the brunt of the consequences of her actions.
Or, you stay quiet, knowing it is a deal breaker, in order to build your case for the law.
Or, you stay quiet, because you think everyone makes mistakes and this is just a big one your wife is making. However, you love her and are willing to forgive her.

Right now its not a deal breaker, but if it continues it would be. All I want is 50/50 custody of my boys. I love my boys and want to be a great dad to them. Finally Yes, I feel she is making a HUGE mistake and yes I still Love her and would forgive her. But I still feel something needs to be said.

Okay. I have one for you guys.
Lets say a Spouse has not asked for D and the marriage seems to be going well. Then you find out your spouse is having an affair. Do you sit there quietly and not say anything? OR Do you say something out of love, in hope's the 2 of you "might" be able to work through this together.

Sandi2- Im going to think about your replies and get back with you soon. Thanks