I'm not taking care of myself very well, have not eaten much in the past few days and am very weak, can't hold much down. I have a counseling appt this afternoon and am afraid I won't be able to drive there.
You're in "situational depression". Totally normal after going through this, but it is very, very painful to go through. You'll lose weight, you won't eat, you will just want to curl up in a ball in the corner. It seems like there's no escape. Unfortunately there's no shortcut past it, you're grieving the loss of your M and H and it takes time to heal from this. Be patient with yourself. Like M said, FORCE yourself to do things. GAL is the most critical and important part of DB'ing, but when you're in that dark place GAL'ing sounds frightening. But if you force yourself, then tomorrow it's easier, and the day after, until one day you'll be GAL'ing because you WANT to. Start out with something small, maybe walking around the neighborhood. Set a time and do it every day. Then add something else- painting, reading, volunteering, etc. When you're up for it then add an activity that gets you around other people. Make new friends, connect with old ones. Soon you'll realize that YOU have VALUE to others, that your H has as many demons as you do if not more and that his journey isn't about you, it's about HIM. You have to build a life without H now. You'll become strong and independent, and interestingly when you finally get there you may catch him looking back at you.
You don't need to tell everyone your situation. That's what your C is for.
But let's face it. You're not going to have people around you 24/7. That's why you need to start getting your strength from yourself first so you can stand alone but not FEEL alone. There's no problem with being with yourself as long as you like who you're with.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I agree in not telling everybody, I confide in my sister and one good friend. I don't think I would make it thru some days without them. Wished they live closer.
Went to a counselor today, she was ok. Her hours are not conducive for me and it is too long of a drive.
She did say I should tell the kids. Said H left me holding the bag and they may resent me if I don't. Not quite ready for that yet.
He is doing a good job avoiding everybody, not just me. Of course it's easy from the other side of the world.
J
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
I have decided that I should tell the kids. I don't want to lie to them about what is wrong, where I am. I don't want them to blame me, or resent me if I don't tell them.
Any adivice on telling the kids in this situation. I read online that you may not be ready for divorce if you can't accept your children's sadness and anger.
J
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Has anything changed for your kids bc of your sitch with your H?
If not, I'm not sure you need to rush to tell them anything. If you did tell them, what would you say?
I think it is really important that, if at all possible, you and your H tell them together. When will he be home? Let's see what he says about telling the children.
Can you find a C that is easier to schedule with and get to?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
The counselor is the one who said I should tell the kids. H asked why I want to tell them now. There is no good time to tell them, but they are going to be crushed, the sooner we tell them the sooner they can start working thru it. He will not be home until at least June so if we tell them it would have to be via skype or facetime.
The other side is they are old enough to see that something is not right with me. I can only lie to them for so long, the counselor said if we wait too long to tell them that could create a lot of resentment from them.
I have an appt scheduled with a new counselor on Wed.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Happy birthday to me. I might have a break down if my son doesn't come to dinner with us. I know it's not personal...just the way I'm feeling. Need all the love I can get right now.
J
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
