I think that he should show her that he is no-nonsense with this. And that it won't be tolerated...
Is he being played ?
Possibly...
And like you said, teenage girls can, and will, be mean. just the way it is....
The anti-bullying thing in schools ?
Yea, that looks good on the flyers and hanging on the walls. From what I have seen, it's a smokescreen. Just to make parents feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I was told that there were just a few weeks of school left, and they would keep an eye open for it. And hopefully it would "blow over" before next year.
I just think that he should charge hard, and back away when/if he needs to.
Bull, Sorry Mach, but this is something I feel passionately about and I'm great at it.
We live in a culture where it's the norm for kids to go to the movie theater to give blow jobs--as freshman, middle school, etc... Kids have their first drink, first joint around 14. Scary Sh!t.
In my experience, it's rare for a kid to really manipulate like this to get out of school. If she was that upset, there's something more.
And, I would strongly encourage using the school to set some boundaries. Now, is when you take them seriously and, if she feels so strongly, then you set the example that this sort of thing will NOT be tolerated.
She is, from now throughout high school, be in positions where boys will expect friends with benefits, joints, alcohol...lots of crazy situations where her self-esteem will make or break the decisions she makes. She needs to feel like she can be trusted and protected when necessary.
In this situation, Eric can show her how to handle abusive people like this. If she sees it, she can, then, do it herself someday, without him. And, she will see that standing up for herself won't mean her life falls apart.
Vital lesson here, especially for a girl.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Which is one of the reasons I homeschool the second one!! First one came home talking about the kids on the bus looking at porn on their phones during the ride home. I think my jaw was dropped for most of middle school. Luckily, she is fine today. In college, on sorority governing council, looking at med school. But, there was a time when I thought this is INSANE.
Here are some of the remarks that stuck with me from my daughter who lettered in soccer and was captain of the team.
"Duh, mom, Friday night is blow job night at the movie theater." That was a great moment.
"Oh, so-and-so is pregnant doesn't know the father." That girl lost her soccer scholarship--full ride.
"Mom, my Gawd, there are like five meth labs 10 minutes away."
And, this is a rural, all-American school district. We still have tractor day where the kids can drive the tractors to school.
Quote:
We can only teach them right from wrong and hope they follow that example.
I totally agree. But, don't forget how to teach our girls to say "NO!" and mean it. Our girls desperately need to learn how to be assertive when it comes to their right to be taken seriously and not taken advantage of.
Sorry, this is my soapbox topic.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Bull with the anti-bullying thing. It may come off as a smokescreen and it's rarely enforced as it should be...but, I think that's where we come in. Schools are given funds to protect our kids. If we sense something is going on that's inappropriate and wrong, then we need to push the issue. I don't care how many great posters they have up. If we push the issue and demand some action, they will comply. Not that they won't resist, but that shouldn't be OUR excuse to allow it to continue.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Eric I just saw a 16 year old client and I asked about this. She said this "Girls at that age are brutal and mean to each other, it will escalate. I would talk to the school counselor but make sure the bully doesn't know or it will get worse". Do you know her parents, if not, can you get to know them?.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Bull with the anti-bullying thing. It may come off as a smokescreen and it's rarely enforced as it should be...but, I think that's where we come in. Schools are given funds to protect our kids. If we sense something is going on that's inappropriate and wrong, then we need to push the issue. I don't care how many great posters they have up. If we push the issue and demand some action, they will comply. Not that they won't resist, but that shouldn't be OUR excuse to allow it to continue.
I agree 1oo%
It did not work that way though, at least for me.
What I saw WAS a smokescreen. What they said that they were going to do, and how they were going to handle it was a facade.
Every day when I asked him how his day was, and about the situation, he would tell me that nothing had changed, and if anyone would be watching ? It would be easy to see.
It wasn't physical abuse with him, it was a full on verbal assault every day. The schools were provided with times, classes, people involved(names), etc. All the information that they would need to make a difference, and nothing was done.
I would call, email, have conferences, talk with counselors, etc. And what I was told was, that they were close to having their Standard of Learning tests in a couple weeks, and they were trying, but couldn't be everywhere at the same time.
That verbal bullying was hard to prove, so they would have to "wire" him to punish, and at best the offending student would receive a 3 day suspension if caught.
When his name was given, we were told that they were "aware" of this type of behavior from this particular student, and that he had been disciplined on many occasions already.
Eventually, the emails went un-returned, the messages went unanswered, or that particular teacher/counselor wasn't "in" that day. One cannot enter a public school now without having an "appointment". When I would hear from them, it was always in the form of support. They would say that they watched this, or kept an ear tuned in on this area during this time. All of which was BS from what I would hear later.
So yea, it was bullshit.
The best that I got, was a couple weeks later, when I received an email from the asshat counselor that the boy in question had moved away, and the problems should stop.
That, from the same people that clap the loudest and stand up the tallest at the anti-bullying campaigns. They hand out flyers and buttons, making the front look real. Help is given when it is convenient, not when it is needed.
That is MY soapbox.
From what he says now, things have stopped, although he still has a hard time opening up and making new friends at school.
It took him a long time to come forward with me about what he was dealing with. He felt like he was doing something wrong. Which couldn't be further from the truth.
So....
I am in that "Hit it hard out of the gates" , based on MY past experience with it.....
Eric I just saw a 16 year old client and I asked about this. She said this "Girls at that age are brutal and mean to each other, it will escalate. I would talk to the school counselor but make sure the bully doesn't know or it will get worse". Do you know her parents, if not, can you get to know them?.
That is what we were told too... ^^^
Catching him (them, since it was a group thing), would have to be "natural", or it would escalate tenfold....
I run a cottage school for this very reason (and because my daughter is unable to mainstream). One of my students has a speech impediment and he would have been brutally bullied. His parents send him here where I have six students and I can keep stuff like that from happening.
The school systems are so broken and there are good people who work hard everyday but can't fix it and then there the a$$hats you mention.
In my case, they said my daughter's Asperger's was me "coddling" her. I still feel angry about that.
She resisted school daily and the day they carried her into the building kicking and screaming was the day I said, "No more."
It's so painful to drop your child off somewhere when you know they don't feel safe.
If you ever need guidance on things, let me know. My specialty, with kids, is working with kids who struggle in mainstream schools. There is a way to empower kids within the school system, but it requires alot of diligence on our part. If you ever need suggestions, I'd be happy to help.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
