Chinks in the Armor & still Standing on that Hill

[Pudmuddle]

Well since the mediator question out of the blue from H, things have gone back to "normal". LOL. Normal meaning the status quo of two people living together, not in a marriage at all.

He has just been doing his thing, coming and going. Still no signs of being with anyone else. He is here all the time! Frankly, I am getting weary of him still being here. I just feel like if this all is really what he wants, why does he not move out and live this life? Something that still puzzles me.

He seems to have this theory if he moves out he is going to be taken to the cleaners by me. Well, first of all, I am not that kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I will watch out for myself but it is not my intent to screw him over. Handling it with anger and vengeance is totally not me.

I had thoughts about the next time he asks for movement in sitch, whether via mediator or splitting finances I may request that he move out and only THEN will I discuss mediation or D. I don't know, just thoughts I had. Kind of feeling like I would just like to be able to breathe in my own home and come home to a happy place. Doesn't feel like that most days with him there.

Also, I have attempted looking into mediators vs lawyers myself to get the knowledge I need before it hits harder. This has been a little difficult as I feel strong when I start it, and then the emotions start taking over. So hard for me to just 'get over' someone I have know for over 25 years. I can't drop it like a hot potato like he seems to want.

Maybe I will ask this weekend to start splitting the finances and that will seem like a step forward.

Just some rambling thoughts in my head. Feel free to comment, as usual! Happy Days to everyone!