My life now....

[ericmsant2]

Sound the alarm!

Calling all dbers… I need a little parental advice.

My D (Toria) who is 12 and will be 13 is having an issue in school that she expressed today.

Background: Toria who is on some level a follower, has been spending time texting one of the girls in her class. Whom FTR, I am not particularly fond of. The little girl is not a bad kid per se but her parent and I have very different parenting styles. The little girl (I’ll refer to this little girl as “P”) has a LOT more freedom than I allow Toria. As a result Toria clings to that and continues to try and be like the girl. The other friends that Toria has that have been in her life, are a little more naive and although they are friends – they are not in the same class. Over the past few years, P has treated Toria like crap. Last year, Toria decided to defriend her only to rekindle the friendship. Also, my ex has no problems with P or her parents (you knew that was coming). So when Toria is with my X, she spends time with P. When Toria is with me, she spends time with the other friends.

Hopefully, I’ve provided enough background….so here is my issue.

Last night Toria was texting P – all night with the exception of when I took her to dance class. Fast forward to this morning… I wake Toria up so that she can get ready for school. She is very moody – quiet a little distant. I ask if she is okay. She says yes. Stays in her room texting.

Just as we are about to leave…Toria comes downstairs – she is crying. I ask her what is wrong. She says Dad can I stay home. My initial thought was…. Okay it finally happened…it must be that “time” for women has finally happened to my little girl. That was not the case. When I asked her why she wanted to stay home and why she was crying she said that she is being bullied at school.
I ask her how..and can she tell me what is going on. She keeps crying and says that P has told a lie to all of Toria friends and they believe it. The lie apparently has something to do with Toria “liking” P’s boyfriend (another example of why I am not fond of P). I ask, is it true? Toria says no. All the while Toria phone is ringing off the hook. I go to answer it and Toria says no please don’t. She asked again, can I stay home from school.

She begs me to not call the school. Asks me to not call P.

I tried to DB Toria to an extent – validating, etc. I try to ask Toria what she thinks she would like to do. She says just stay home. I explain to Toria that, staying home is not going to solve the issue. She starts crying harder. Please daddy…please can I just stay home today. I agree.

I know that bulling is a big issue these days. That said, I do not want to fix this for Toria but I am really not sure what to do. I asked Toria if she had spoken to her mom about it. She said she has not. I asked her if she planned to. She said no and asked me not to saying anything to her mom about it.
So…

Any suggestions?

Do I speak to her mom about it? I have NC with the mom and on one hand I do not want to break Toria’s confidence – on the other hand, as a parent I feel her mom should know. FTR, the last time something like this happened with the boys – my ex took the opportunity to use it against me – hence my reluctance to involve my ex. I feel that Toria should have confidence to share things with me. Telling my ex breaks that confidence.

Do I call the school?

Could this just be little girl teenage bull that will blow over?

Toria has been upstairs in her room. I took her phone from her so that she did not continue to get phone calls. Toria does not want to share the details with me. So what do I do?

I want to try and show her (and I did mention it to her) that she should ignore the girls and that she does not need friends like this. I am not sure I am doing the right thing here.

HELP!