Like it or not, parents have a great deal to do with our upbringing and the way we turn out.
Sometimes things happen to us which allow us to look at ourselves and look within and make some changes to our behviours. For example, I did not come from an affectionate family (slight understatement here) but I have learned since BD that love, in any form, is work and that some folks do need the "mushy stuff" every once in awhile.
Sounds like your H needs to learn some of those lessons for himself. And as lost as he is, I can actually empathize. Know what my father said to me the other day? "I know you work lots of hours but I don't know if you work hard." Now, my father and I actually get along well for the most part, but warm and fuzzy he is not. Yet, even after celebrating my third 35th birthday, there is still something in me that reacts to statements like that. I have sacrificed quite a bit for my career, including paying my way through university and graduate school, so a slight on my work ethic cut.
Long ago, that comment would have earned a sarcastic comment back but I have learned not to take the bait. He will not change, so I must.
I hope your H comes to realize that he can still love his parents but do not necessarily have to agree with them or their parenting methods. I very much believe that this is part of becoming an adult. You have given your H something to think about and that is good, maybe some of it will seep in.
Hope everything else is going well for you, my friend!
