Wife wants divorce - my first post

[tbm4evr]

I need to read up on the LRT. You mean ignore her ..even if she asks about the kids or anything don't respond and say go through my lawyer?

[tbm4evr]

This may be a dumb question ...W and me still together in the same house but she has filed for divorce ...should I take our wedding pics off of our dresser? Wonder how she would react ...stupid move on my part if I did so? I want to get her back but don't know how she would react.

[MrBond]

Did you read DB or DR? Many of the things you are asking is detailed in there. I don't think you understand what the LTR is.

[tbm4evr]

I'm still waiting for DB ...in the mail

[MrBond]

The LTR technique is where you tell your spouse that you agree with your spouse to the D. That "frees" them up and gives them the space they crave while you work on yourself.

What do you think makes this OM better than you? Probably the main thing is that he has nothing to lose like you do, so he's much more "alpha" and has a no care attitude. Your W wants him because he doesn't have anything to lose and can play around with your W with no personal consequence to him. He gives her just enough so that she feels he's going to leave her if she doesn't give him attention. She wants what she can't have.

You need to be the same.

[tbm4evr]

MRBond ...just curious but did you end up back with your wife. I see you have a ton of posts here but I didn't read through them all.

[MrBond]

Yes I did.

[tbm4evr]

Below are a couple emails from my W from 10 days ago ...today I'm wondering how our family vacation will go ...we leave tomorrow for the carribean for a week. Happy to hear anyone's thoughts on emails, vacation, etc ... She has only had 10 days of "space" but so far she seems in much better mood. We have not talked about the D or our R. I am still going to try to give her space on this trip even though it's with the family/kids. I hope the DB book arrives today so I can find a secluded place on the beach and read it.

"You have always felt you own me and I need to do what you want me to do.  You really aren't capable of letting me be my own person.  This isn't a recent phenomenon, it's been going on forever.  I've lived my live the way you dictated it.  I don't and can't do it anymore.  I don't know why you can't accept that.  The recent bs happened because you feel you are losing total control over me and you hate that and can't accept that.  And that is the problem."

"Yes, I am losing it.  I can't take your control anymore.  Even with this whole affair thing.  It's so ridiculous.  You need to let go of me."

"Living with you is so shitty.  You can't accept I'm my own person and let me live my own life.  You at first said you'd move out then you won't.  Then you said I could move out.  The only way I can get away from you is divorce.  Otherwise you just can't leave me alone."

[melissag]

Have you read up on LRT yet? You can probably find it online by googling, if your book hasn't arrived yet.

Do not ignore your W on matters regarding the children.

How did you respond to the emails you quoted above? And can you see how the LRT will help you in this sitch? Your W feels trapped. Give her the space she wants.

[tbm4evr]

Thanks Melissa. I will google it and see how ltr may help me in this sitch. I will not ignore her when it comes to kids ..thx for the advice. In response to her emails I just said I would give her space and let her do what she wants and that is what i have been doing. Of course her response was that "i am not capable of leaving her alone and giving her space" ... over time i will just have to show her I am and hope that she comes around and wants to keep the family together.