Maybe she doesn't and is happy as hell to be moving on but then again I start to feel sorry for her because without realizing where we went astray or owning up to her part in our failed M, the chances of being happy in the future are greatly reduced.
I hope this doesn't come across as me being arrogant. I feel such a sense of power after really taking a hard look at myself and my life, and realizing that it is not easy to admit to yourself that maybe you were not that person you thought you were. Is it ok to feel this way?
I thought "Hey I'm x and I am a great guy. How can you disagree with that? Its you that has something wrong not me."
It wasn't until all this mayhem started that I discovered the above statement was full of inconsistencies.
nit, when I read your thread, it's like you're at my house. I know my WAW is seething mad. She is seeing my 180's and is repulsed. She is consumed by anger and the wrongs of the past. Back before I learned to STFU, I told her the future is whatever we decide it will be - it isn't bound to our mistakes in the past. She sees me behaving this way and it drives her nuts. It has to be a strain to live like that, and she doesn't have the means to leave now, so she's looking at months more of that. I don't know if she'll ever own up to her part. She'll never go to MC because she'd have to own up to A, and I'm sure she's been advised against that. Her IC is NOT pro-M.
Back to you, sorry. You have come to the same conclusion I have. About 10 books later and a lot of introspection, you realize that you have flaws, i.e. you're HUMAN, and that all of this could have been easily avoided. And the best part is that you realize it, and have taken positive action. And yes, that gives you a sense of power. It's absolutely OK to feel good about that. I mean, we can't change the past, but at least we're working for the best future. It [censored] to be where we are, but what else really can we be expected to do at this point, but to work as constructively as we can.
As to whether our W's come back to renew R or someone else reaps the benefits is frustratingly unknowable. That is the hardest thing to let go of. Every time I look at the kids, I wish that W were at least in the game.
As for feeling sorry for your W, you'd better not ever give that impression. I feel sorry for contributing to my W being in her current state (due to my pre-enlightenment ignorance). I feel sorry that she is so invested in being angry and destructive right now and wish she could start being constructive. But you also have to recognize that you have vastly different perspectives right now, and if you do anything other than validate her position, it will be a setback. So yes, I know what you're saying, but it's not the time to feel cocky, superior, enlightened or sorry for anyone. I don't think that time will ever come. So instead of feeling sorry for anyone, all I hope to do is to feel lucky enough to dodge the nuke that's currently headed my way.
