"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hey Eric thanks for checking on me! I am good! Monday was a low day for me! Gotta allow ourselves one of those once in awhile!
All is well here! Kids are doing good! Got a roof over my head, bills are paid, it was 56 degrees here today! Work has been busy so money is good this week! Looking forward to visiting with my brother and his family and my bestie in my hometown this weekend!!!
Texted H today to let him know that D and I would be our of town and S would be staying home to take care of animals and that SS & family would be around for him if there was an emergency. He texted back to check oil in the jeep and asked if he & S should split some wood this weekend. Told him we had split some on Sunday and that I see jeep was due for an oil change and would take care of that when I got back. He texted back that he would do it, just let him know when would work.
I have not replied yet as S and I are quite capable of doing it ourselves and had planned to do it ourselves. Last time H was gone, I spoke with a DB coach and she encouraged me to include or let H help/feel needed...IDK...
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
Hmmmm....I hate to go against a DB coach, but I kinda disagree. While in the end your goal is to save the marriage at the same time you do have to accept that this is the second time he has walked away from the marriage. At some point we need to be adults and start taking care of ourselves. Does that makes sense?
I think a big step for the WAS is to see that we are going to be alright without them in our lives....the world isn't going to end with out them. I know me ex has more than once expressed that she was surprised how well I took care of things with out her. That she wasn't needed for the kids and I to function and survive.
I would almost suggest a good boundary is that you take care of your house.....and define that your h's time is better spent taking the kids to do things instead of trying to take care of the house and chores.
Accept the here and now as how it is and that the future will be better.
Just one thing to add. I agree with Lost. My question thought is how do you feel about taking care of things? Do they give you a sense of accomplishment, do you feel better knowing that you can take care of it? I guess my point, is do whatever makes YOU feel best. Make your decisions about YOU and less about H.
BTW, if you are changing oil...can I drive over my Wrangler? She's due for a oil change.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thank you for your responses!! I do always feel a great sense of accomplishment when I am able to do things on my own! Going with my first thought of doing it without H's help! Have been reminded that letting him help us, eases his guilt of what he is doing to us for a second time!!! Besides, S needs to be able to do this kind of stuff!!!
Eric, I believe that we are halfway across the country from you so it might just be more economical with the rising gas prices to take your Wrangler to a Jiffy Lube or the like!!!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
CW - You right. That said, on my bucket list is a cross country trip in the Jeep. Top down, Dave matthews blasting...
So I'll stop by if I do it this year
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
on my bucket list is a cross country trip in the Jeep. Top down, Dave matthews blasting...
So I'll stop by if I do it this year
Sounds like an awesome plan!!! Stop by any time!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
My IC sent me some reading material from ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) and on co-dependency... I could relate to these characteristics -judging one'self -over reacting -seeking approval/affirmation and -loyalty
In the co-dependency section -self worth depends on external sources -others wants/needs come first -not trusting your own decisions or experiences -guilt, shame and self degradation -mildest of criticisms causes extreme reactions or hurt feelings -fear of abandoment -desire to change but fear of change.
"Co-dependents will endure intense pain and abuse because they fear losing their partner or being alone"
"A co-dependent is willing to settle for peace at any price, including their own self worth"
Luckily, it also said that co-dependency can be overcome!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
