Why in the world would you view your W going to visit family as "betrayal"? Is it your opinion that she is not "allowed" any time for herself? That's a HUGE problem. In healthy marriages both spouses have their independent lives as well as their married life together. Are you denying your wife her independence?
Definitely not! I want her to have her independence, and I respect that. As I said in my previous post, I felt that we were intruders in her own little world (my D and I)... That's why I felt she had betrayed us. Also, the fact that we are both educators and we have about 15 days over Christmas and New Year's as holidays (we can't really take time off from work other than school breaks), and so I felt that it was the time to spend together as a family. I felt like she did not want that - which was partly true.
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You make it sound like spending a week alone with your child is a prison sentence. Do you feel the child is totally your wife's responsibility?
Definitely not! I love spending time with my D. I love her and she is the most important person in my world. Second is my W (or I thought I showed that...) In fact, I love taking care of my D!
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Confronted her about what? Taking a week off to visit family?
I confronted her on the fact that she was getting more and more distant, and I thought that she was having an EA or PA, but she said that she did not, and that's when I got the first bomb: "I'm not sexually attracted to you at all anymore". This escalated over the next three weeks to the situation we have now.
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Have you read DR? That's step 1. Also read Sandi2's 37 Rules daily, and live those rules.
I've ordered DB and waiting for it to come eagerly. I also read Sandi2's 37 Rules every day. However I do have one question. One of W's gripes was that I was not around too much (I worked a lot on my computer in my home office), so I did not spend enough time in the family room with her and our D. Is it correct to assume that I should try to spend more time there now? I feel that making myself scarce would be a self-fulfilling prophecy of: "I knew that he wouldn't want to spend time with us..."
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Please describe what you did in the M that caused her pain.
Mainly I understand now that I was very passive-aggressive. If I didn't want to do something, I wouldn't say it, but I would be grumpy while doing it, to show my discontent. Juvenile behavior if you ask me now, and I totally understand it. How do I do a 180 on that though, if she won't ask about doing stuff?
Also, I haven't supported her many times while we (me and her) had fights with my family regarding various matters. I basically refused to take position, and she felt that I wasn't supportive of her. Finally, I was condescending about her work and people who go into elementary school teaching. I used to say that "those" people have too much free time and a lot of vacation time. I am an educator but in the higher education sector.
Ask me now about how I should have behaved, and I would say I was a stupid crud. But at the time I did not realize I was hurting her. Rather, I thought that I was playing "devil's advocate" when we discussed those things, or I thought that I shouldn't take sides between my W and my parents - stupid...
I want to do 180s on all of these things, but I feel that the opportunity is now gone. At least she will still talk to me in the house about various things, while she is taking time off the R, and while I try to make her feel erotic feelings about me once again...
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Read DR and other R books. Determine what you did wrong in the M. Do 180's on those things. Give your W time and space. Change, and be consistent with your changes. Show her the spouse (and father) only a fool would leave.
I want to do that with all my heart... And this is what I would like to find out how to do... What is the spouse that only a fool would leave? Because she told me that as a father she thinks that I am a great father to our daughter.
Thanks again for your support guys, it really is extremely important for me.
