Unlearning Conflict Avoidance - 9

[MrBond]

" I am working on the passion part, something my analytical, follow the procedure, Teutonic brain is not accustomed to. Probably an MLC thing,"

Don't consider this a result of an MLC. You've been having these issues for a very long time. If you don't even know how to hug your kids, that's not an MLC but a deeper personality issue.

"but I am trying to identify something good to do for the world, something beyond my own pleasure, which seems so limited a way to live."

While that sounds greatly altruistic, how about you concentrate on changing and making yourself right before you think of trying to change the world.

"A retired German colleague of mine works for a food bank, for example, helping transport food to people who need it, and I admire him for it (he who used to be a hard-a$$ed marketing guy, a royal pain sometimes)."

There's nothing wrong with that. Helping others can also help in your personal growth.

"Living Big Passion is more elusive - my W is very good at this. She had a charm class in high school - I'd love to go to something similar, for men."

Passion has nothing to do with "charm" or how you present yourself. Passion has to deal with you finding what you like to do and going ahead and doing it. You do something because you enjoy it and it's not for monetary reward. When you love someone, you do so with passion. You let it become consuming. You seem so proper that you don't EXPRESS passion in the way most people do. It comes out as passive.

"Standing up to W - haven't had much chance, though this will probably change with her being home for a whole week now (Swedish winter sports break)."

Don't assume conflict. You can just as well make things better through perseverance and patience. Not fear and anger.

She is upstairs, I am down, at least during the day, and we hardly interact. I'll take d15 skiing."

Like we've been telling you from the beginning, you can change these interactions into more positive ones. The problem is that once your W resists, you get flustered and stop your efforts before they have a chance to take root and grow. Like you moving back downstairs after we told you repeatedly to stake your claim upstairs.

"MLC - I really like how your neighbor found a new woman, especially the shared activity part, thank you for the long post! Doing something together seems so important (not like my MIL and her boyfriend, who watch so much TV, each at their own) in a relationship."

You don't get it. Every couple is different like 25 stated. What works for one couple may not work for another. You're looking for a "plan" and in life there isn't one. You grow and adapt with each life change.