melissa - standing up for me

[25yearsmlc]

25, I have been running around all day and no chance to respond, but don't want you to think I am ignoring your posts.

Quickly, I will say that while I don't completely FEEL the way I want to (PM, you are right, I will check back and re read often!), I will not let that affect anything I do with respect to the terms of this D.

My H's mother got her CS order when H's Dad wasn't making much money (or was hiding it), and, despite the fact that he went on to become rather wealthy, she NEVER went back to get a modification, because her own selfish pride stood in the way. My H and his brother wore holey jeans (before they were trendy LOL) and had their hair cut with a bowl on their heads. They had to work on a farm all summer as early as 9 years old. I will never put my kids' needs second to my emotions in that way.

The action I am taking will not be based on any kind of emotion. I am merely coming here to admit that hey, I feel kind of bad about it. But that doesn't mean I won't do it.

I am sure that at some point (especially if H continues with his self-serving BS and hateful emails), I won't feel in the least bit bad, and I know that my emotions of the moment won't last, but whatever agreement we come to will affect me and the kids for a long, long time.

Just To add to your comment about women who give up CS and then pretend They have achieved something.

I knew an older woman who told me she "never took a cent" from her x h, the father of her FOUR children. She bragged about it as if it was an "achievement."

I sort of get that...but see, the thing is, she and her four children lived in squalor, it was their money she threw away, not hers. And why? All in order for her to keep her pride AND avoid her ex, too, I suppose.
Oh, wait... not to get too political, but she got welfare and food stamps.

So, come to think of it, wow, WE all actually paid her the child support her ex h owed...

She also punished the x by never letting him see the kids (which punishes the kids too, but I doubt she gave that a thought). AND she totally denied her children a father.

Back then, I think it was harder for men to see kids if they were not paying anything, but I'll never know b/c as I recall, her ex h made no effort after she tossed a few obstacles her way. He gave up way too easily. Today, courts separate the issues of money and visitation, thankfully.

Her kids and she had a rough life. I was shocked that she never could not see the idiocy AND selfishness of HER choices. She never saw the role She played in their dire circumstances. To my knowledge, she never conceded, or realized (or admitted), the damage She had wrought upon her own offspring.

Facts: 2 of her 4 children dropped out of high school, one of the 4 joined the military, ( he's the only one who attended college at all.) The last son ended up in jail, and no one mentions him...

Gee, isn't it great she achieved all ^^ that without any money from her evil useless ex??


You know what IS an achievement?

It's when you are FORCED to "make do" without help from the other parent, & despite that, you manage the poverty, you survive the poverty, and maybe you even thrive despite the poverty,

^^ Those are achievements to be proud of, but Not when YOU CAUSE the poverty!


She never seemed to awaken to HER role in their poverty...the word "fool" comes to mind.

Anyhow, I'm Glad to hear you are familiar with this odd destructive phenomenon.
So weird, isn't it?

Melissa, you got this.