And, by the way, if you've shut your spouse off, would you blame them for going out and having sex with someone else? If you truly loved them, wouldn't you take joy in the fact that they got sex with someone else? Or is your own personal pain of jealousy that is your main concern.
Though I don't personally embrace the lifestyle of poly and swing, I do understand their concept of managing their jealousy and putting it in a context of selfishness. But it does shed a slightly different light on breaking exclusivity in response to sexlessness.
So, in emotional terms, your viewpoint strikes me as one which holds jealousy as a more important emotion to avoid than sexual deprivation. Wording it as "breaking exclusivity" and inability to undo said exclusivity just seem like a verbose technical smokescreen for the emotions they are really designed to protect.
