I'm in, wife's out

[nit84]

trc2009,
BY no means am I a veteran so take what I say very lightly.

I thought my wife was sending mixed signals when we 1st S also.

She might have been doing that but it eventually went back to her saying we are done. I don't love you anymore and all the standard WAW sayings.

Just watch for baby steps every sitch on here is different in terms of WAS desire to R and the time frame that it took them.

Don't try to mind read. Don't think just because you are M to this person that she will react in the same way she did when there was no strain in your M.

These are all mistakes I made, they set ME back in my journey to try and accept what my W wants and certainly she didn't come closer to coming back to the M.

They may have been mixed signals but remember WAS are also confused they aren't thinking logically, they are thinking emotionally. When you think emotionally, what you/WAS think changes from min to min sometimes. So they may not mean what they are projecting to you.

Not trying to be downer here sorry if it comes across that way.

I know when I was thinking the same as you are right now a little bit of a reality check got me back on track and kept me from backsliding on the gains I may have made.

You are correct in saying that your W is not happy nobody would be if their M was falling apart.

You are doing great by letting her come to you. When she does validate and empathize and above all like you said LISTEN!!

If your 180 seem to be working keep it up. If not stop and try something else. I feel that it is possible that a 180 can work immediately but that doesn't mean WAS in all the way back. WAS must trust that these changes are going to stick before even considering R.

Consistency over a long period of time is what they look for.