I'm proud of you Ab. I know how hard this meeting was for you. I'm glad it's over.
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He was gaunt and grey skinned, and his clothes were hanging off him. Wasn't wearing a wedding ring!!
I felt very little, if anything. He seemed worse, not better, that when I last saw him in july.
Sounds like his new wife is a lucky woman. Ewwww.
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Its odd the things that hurt the most. This made me wonder so hard about what the h3ll had gone wrong.
I do that too. Lately, I've been remembering the really beautiful moments together. I guess it's sorta cathartic because, it's then that I see he can't possibly have that with anyone else. Those aren't moments you can duplicate, no matter how hard you try. They were real. But, they are the past and I'm moving forward.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Been a strange week. Picked up a stomach flu bug while I was away, and whilst it didn't lay my up I felt very "off" for over a week.
My ex has also been inhabiting my dreams again on a regular basis. Which I don't like. I just don't seem to be able to eliminate him from my life. Every time it seems like we are taking the final steps fate steps in and prevents it. it has left me feeling very frustrated.
Whilst I am not unhappy, there are things in my life that are not as I want them. And I blame him for this. Wrongly, probably, but even so I just have this nagging feeling inside that keeps saying "after all of my time, effort, hard work, devotion etc etc this is all you are left with..."
I rent a property from my young sister. My mother keeps asking me if I need money. I still don't have a job. My friends seem to have it all (I know appearances can be deceptive) but this is really bugging me. I just cannot see past this moment, and while taking things one day at a time has many benefits I just want something to look forward to. I cannot even imagine a time when there maybe a man in my life. Life seems devoid of feelings right now - of any kind!
Ab, I can so relate to this sentiment. I do the same thing. I look around think,"How come THEY have it together?"
"How come THEY have a nice car?"
"How come THEY have a husband who didn't cheat?"
Well, truth is...Of the married couples I know, I wouldn't trade with one of them. They ALL have their problems. And, I'm afraid I can't really pinpoint one couple that has a great relationship. In some ways, I think WE may be the lucky ones. I know, I know...I coulda done without he betrayal and the cheating and the lying...But, WE have a chance to reinvent ourselves at a time in our lives when we really know what and who we are are. That's kinda cool.
And, some of what you are feeling is grief. I think it's normal to go through phases of feeling like you are until the grief becomes a smaller and smaller part of your life. This is all very fresh still. You have had a lot of changes in a very short span of time. Allow yourself time to heal and give yourself credit for surviving the last year or two.
Much Love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Ab, you do have things to look forward to. It all you your head. You can grief your old life, but you can have dreams about the future and picture yourself happy and in a great relationship. Whether it will be your X (when he comes to his senses) or a new fabulous guy, you will be OK. You deserve it.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Right now I cannot look forward at all. had a very unhelpful conversation with the estate agent regarding potential house sale, along with issues on bills needing dealing with. Tried to contact X with no response,again....
This is all so frustrating. I thought moving away would be for the best. Now trying to deal with things at a distance, along with an X who is MIA I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall.
Today has just been "one of those days". Nothing specific, just several odd things that I want to sit down and talk over. to put things into perspective.
This is when I miss him.
Of course, in the grand scheme of things, I wouldn't need to be discussing any of them if it hadn't been for him..!
I hope tomorrow brings some good weather. I have the need to get outside and potter in the garden. Not quite the same at this time of year, but some fresh air and tidying up may blow away some cobwebs and leave me with a clearer mind...
Heather I am really encouraged by you. You have come so far since I started following your story. What a difference in your attitude to all of this.
I wish I could have your confidence in even thinking about a new relationship. I know you have only been testing the waters, yet I just cant see myself with another man, not even the old one at the moment. Yet I can see how good it can make you feel, just to have someone take an interest. I guess these things come in time.
I can understand why some people have warned you about the consequences of dating sites, but you would never want to do to others what smokey has done to you. yet I am sure there must be some path that will allow you to make new male friends, and enjoy a little light flirtation. Maybe then you will finally understand whether you still want to fight for what you had, or walk away completely... another answer to sit and wait for.
I appreciate you stopping by my thread. I don't post as often as I should on others threads, I don't feel I can add much at the moment, but knowing there is someone out there who understands what it is I am feeling makes a big difference on a bad day. Thank you for that.
I brought this over because it seemed important for your situation.
Ab, I'm further along. I joined well before you did. It was only in the past couple months or so that I started to feel ok with being with someone else. This is a process. Trust it.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Convo with my sister today about a house she is hoping to buy. offer has been in a few days with no response. she said if we don't hear today we'll keep looking, it obviously wasn't meant to be. A couple of hours later she heard that the offer has been accepted and the house is theirs. I'm pleased for them. However it got me thinking, is their a good reason why, after 12 months our house has not sold. Almost, twice, and two offers that didn't get off the ground, but no sale. The house sale has been the one constant in my X's "must do" since BD. However, he has done nothing to help the sale along. No DIY jobs, painting, tidying up. Nothing. And no upset when the sales fell through, just, oh well. Suggested renting the property when I saw him recently, but it was a no. He may have married but he is still paying mortgage, bills (including phone and broadband) while neither of us is living there any longer. This is just not normal... Does anyone have any suggestions/MLC reasoning behind this. Or is it still not the right time, and therefore not yet the end???
Secondly I received a bank statement this week for our joint account, which he had frozen over a year ago (without telling me first). I had to text him and let him know he had has a refund from a utility company, and a company expenses payment paid into the account. He said he would deal with it. How I don't know as neither of us can access the account unless we both sign/agree.
then tonight I had a text. "do you want picking up xx" obviously not for me- it was followed by "sorry wrong number". I assume it was for his wife... why did it come to me? No similarity in our names, and its not like he texts me on a regular basis.
Even now all of these "oddities", for want of a better word, can cause the whole situation to rear its ugly head in my mind. There are so many questions their MLC raises that there just are no answers for... and if there are answers the don't always come at the appropriate time, if ever.
