He still has OW as friends on FB. And that hurts. And yes he would remove them in a heartbeat if he had any clue how much that affects me, but I don't want that. I want that to come from him.
Hi Raine. I was just catching up on your thread and as I was, I was thinking a few things that may (or may not) help.
Honestly? You think he's a mind reader?? If you want something or feel something, don't put up a wall for it. Let him know you are not comfortable with it, if that is truly the case. Let him know the good the bad and the ugly and be prepared for compromise - by both of you. You remember. Before all of this you two could compromise and it was ok??
The ring. Once again I very much agree with Job. It takes time. I think some of the problem is that in their experience, the stuff that happened, happened to somebody else. It wasn't them (alien, otherworldly, nut job, etc. ring any bells?) Over time they can reintegrate that other, crazy, hurtful person. But like elephants, you are better off eating them in smaller pieces...
I don't see why the ring has to have any significance right now. I'd say leave it off for now and work on the intimacy and tearing down the walls. At some point down the road, when there is that intimacy (and there will be) then it will once again signify to you what it was meant to. And you'll see that it actually does
It's the intimacy and the ability to share without walls that leads to everything else. The rest is downstream of that or is symbolic of it.
There's a ways to go, but not nearly as much as when you started. Try to enjoy the ride...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
