Bouquet purchased and due to be delivered before 12. We had a brief chat earlier this morning and she just alled me up now and again we had a great convo, very light hearted but with her paying a real interest.
Hopefully the flowers to work will go down nicely. She will be home around 10 or 11 tonight, so we shall see....
Today is a day of cleaning. The office is a real mess and need sorting, the garage need toying and my weighs bench getting out.
The whole house need Hoovering and the bathrooms and kitchen scrubbing.
Il take the dog out and then get to it. I like keeping busy when I am motivated to be so, it takes my mind off all the cr*p
Me 41, W 39 Married 5 years Together 10 years S4, D2
So the flowers were delivered.... And immediately I recieved a thank you message saying how beautiful they are an how appreciated they are.
I had preempted their delivery with this message - "We all really appreciate how hard you are working and how much effort it takes to do what you do. Hopefully you will see how much we love and respect you as a wife, mummy and friend." This is a big 180 for me as usually I would moan and be passive aggressive about her going away etc.
She then engaged me in a txt conversation discussing the future, with me in it. She mentioned that she had discussed with her boss that we hadn't been getting on (ever so slight an understatement!) and his replies seemed to have tempered her desire to break us up.
Now, I have no expectations and I'm not believing anything I hear, but today feels like a good day and we might be gaining some traction.
Me 41, W 39 Married 5 years Together 10 years S4, D2
Also it was the potential OM that took delivery of the flowers... My W seemed to find this amusing. She also stated that perhaps I should have just "p*ssed on her" ie marked my territory instead of sending them as it would have been cheaper!
Me 41, W 39 Married 5 years Together 10 years S4, D2
The flowers were delivered....Good job. I am going to remind you though to move on with your day. Don't focus on what has transpired with the delivery, it is just part of the day and move on.
Sounds like you have a good day planned....I saw that you were going to setup/move the gym equipment....Do you have a workout planned also?
Back to your childhood....It seems that your father basically made you feel unwanted. As a young adult you then found happiness through filling this unwanted childhood feeling by having sex. Thence in your married life...once again you were clingy and used sex to feel wanted by your wife. Of course, this clinginess made you less and less attractive as the marriage progressed and your sex life dropped in regularity. Eventually to the point that in your sleep (subconscious)your mind drove you to having "sleep sex" to get this empty feeling inside you filled. Do you realize how much this sets you up to be an extremely co-dependent spouse? For you I feel, the biggest and hardest 180 is going to be dealing with this residual "unwanted" feeling form your childhood. You really need to address this to move on with your marriage and life.
So how do you plan on going about working on this "unwanted" feeling?
I have been scrubbing the house all day, and that's been a pretty good workout so far! I am going to compliment this with a bike ride later in the dy before I collet the kids from preschool.
This evening I will be preparing for my first day in my new job which is tomorrow.
It has been a good day so far.
Once my AD meds kick in properly I will be seeking IC. My doc says that I am currently too unwell o speak to a counsellor, and I must agree that as I start to feel better my thoughts are becoming clearer and less clouded. I don't find looking at my self very easy, and then analyzing my finds is even more difficult. It seems a huge process of searching, analysis and the interpreting the finds to put to work to alter my behavior. It's a little daunting to say the least.
The unwanted feeling is always there. I don't know if it can go away, or if it is too much who I am. However, I plan to replace it with a "Needed" feeling. I am becoming a needed part of this family - I want to support my wife emotionally, financially, physically. I will be involved in every aspect I raising my children - not just feeding/dressing/bathing but pro-actively engaging them with school, hobbies and helping them grow emotionally - the worst case scenario for me is raising the next generation of fvck ups like me.
What else can you recommend?
Me 41, W 39 Married 5 years Together 10 years S4, D2
My W says I'm needy, clingy and controlling too. I also pursued sex to feel wanted by my wife. You should read Codependency for Dummies and maybe even attend Co-Dependents Anonymous, "a program of recovery from co-dependence, where each of us may share our experience, strength and hope in our efforts to find freedom where there has been bondage, and peace where there has been turmoil, in our relationships with others and ourselves." I just started attending these meetings and the support is great - even if you only have some of the codependent patterns it will help you stay focused on your 180 and not behave in a codependent way - old habits die hard. Good luck my friend.
Me: 47 Her: 45 M 18 years T 22 years S-6 D-9 Separate rooms 1/5/14 Wife filed for divorce 2/5/14
The flowers caused a bit of drama at work apparently. They were a great big bouquet, quite expensive, and people were commenting and asking if it was her birthday. The ON stormed in and caused a bit of a fuss and made himself look a d*ckhead.
Wife was embarrassed by his actions and gave him a price of her mind in public. I think il take that as a victory for the LBH!
Me 41, W 39 Married 5 years Together 10 years S4, D2
