Reaching out for support and advice 3

[bluesgal]

Thanks 3-We do pretty well if I don't put any responsibility on his lap. Any home, kid, financial decisions have to be made by me now. I don't bother him with reality.

I thought about you yesterday as I cleaned and organized like a crazy woman

[bluesgal]

Haven't heard from H since Sunday. Kids keep asking about dad. I tell them he's working. Oh the glamorous life of the LBS.
Today I feel the realness of my sitch. The true gravity. My H and I used to talk/touch base several times a day. Even after BD. I am holding tight. I will not contact him. I remember him saying "If it weren't for the kids, you'd never see me again."

He wasn't kidding around....

[melissag]

Blues, why are you making up excuses for your H to explain his absence to the kids?

[bluesgal]

I guess I don't know what exactly to say that doesn't reject them. Dad left, dad doesn't call anymore. Dad's a d-bag. J/K

I could use advice about this. A kind truth for my kids.

[bluesgal]

I should clarify that D15 is fully aware of H issues and that he left. She understands that we are taking time apart so he can work some things out in his heart and mind. Their R has been strained.

S6 is a total daddy's boy. Hangs on every move and word. His age is so difficult with this sitch.

[Wonka]

Blues,

How about this...you can change/modify as you wish to fit your own personality:

D, S...I can see that Dad's absence is really bothering you a great deal. Although it may look this way, but I do want to stress that Dad does LOVE you both very much. Right now, Dad needs to figure out his own stuff. It is all on his own timeline. All we can do is to focus on us and carry on. You are free to tell Dad how much you miss him and would like to spend some time with him. I will support you in this regard...just right now things are up in the air. We're going have to be patient with this process. What are your thoughts after hearing this?

[bluesgal]

Thanks Wonka-I'll use that verbage.

[juliegayle]

Blues please share how the conversation with kids go. This has been a real struggle for me as well. H hasn't moved out but s is having a hard time going for a day or 2 without seeing him at all.

[Hadlee58]

This is also something i am going to have to face pretty soon and although i see myself as fairly strong even thinking about this brings a lump to my throat and a knot in my stomach. I guess its no conversation any off us ever thought we would have to do. Its something i spend quite a lot of time worrying and researching and have probably kidded myself that it will go away, not likely
My W and i are so much focused on our children (maybe thats been one of our downfalls) that its one of the few areas that i think could be used as leverage to wanting to 'try' but i know i cant use it as a reason without pressure.
I will be thinking of you Bluesgal xx

[bluesgal]

Thanks everyone for chiming in. H texted yesterday and asked to see the kids. He came over and acted as if life was great and everything was normal. Although I put on my PMA, D15 did not. She asked in private "What are we doing, just pretending everything is ok? Are we that family now?"

She has anger toward H, but will soften towards him after they spend some time together. I talk to her a lot about dad needing space to figure some things out. He's feeling down etc.

I didn't talk with S6 last night since H spent time with him. I suspect that conversation will come up this weekend. I'll let you know how it goes.

H went to leave several times last night before finally going. He kissed both kids and I got a very special knee pat.

Oh, the sparks between us.

I know I shouldn't feel this way and I've said it before, but...I wish I could see that H is miserable. Seeing him acting happy yesterday made me want to throw all my mini meatloafs I made at him. I don't know if his attitude is an act or mask or if he is living the good life now. Picture me smiling as I say "I hate him"

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since he left and I know this is just the beginning. Sigh.