I am going to sign off now. My $800 per hour advice to you, free of charge, is not to respond to H's texts or email response until you get the "DB Approved" seal. Deal? BTW, my DB inspector number is #9...no, no it's not on your Jockey undies.
I don't know if your kids are too old for this, but coconut head reminded me of the Ants in My Pants CD we used to play in the car all the time. One song was:
There’s a man on a bike with a trailer in the back In the trailer are his two little kids With their helmets on they giggle and laugh And their heads bop together Yeah their heads bop together Yeah their heads bop together like this:
Like two coconuts Like two coconuts Like two coconuts they bounce and bop around Like two coconuts Like two coconuts Coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut through the town
I loved that! Thanks for reminding me of my little baby boys who are all big now.
Back to your regularly scheduled programming now....
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
But I see why he is being nice . . . he wants something.
He wants me to consent to him giving up his partnership interest in his law firm (worth six figures to me in the D). I do believe that he wants to do it for legitimate reasons (i.e., not just to screw me out of $$ in the D). But I don't care. He is the one who made the choice to get D. What's the saying? I think it's:
You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.
Look, if it meant nothing to me, I wouldn't be trying to stick it to him just to teach him a lesson. But am I going to give up six figures so that he can make this career move that he wants to make?
Why the hell would I?
He actually asked me, "Are you wiling to consent to my resigning as a partner?"
In retrospect, it sure seems that his email of last week (where he jovially agreed to stay on as a partner and sever ties with his consulting client) was a bunch of BS and now I see why he acted like, I'm-your-best-friend-and-I'm-going-to-hug-you that night.
I am reminded of BD, where he told me that yes, indeed, he could make whatever unilateral decision he wanted about our M, no matter how it affected me, our kids, or anyone else. I guess he probably won't like being on the other side of that.
Here's what else he said (the first paragraph was just explaining why he wants to resign as a partner, which I already knew):
I am cautiously encouraged by your change of lawyers. I'm glad that you are interested in a simple and peaceful solution to this problem. My understanding of [Lawyer #1] reputation was that she was an excellent lawyer, but not a peacemaker. I'm still confused, however, because I don't know what your goals are here, because you won't tell me (other than to mediate, which doesn't tell me what it is that we disagree over and need to mediate). Letting me know what your goals are would help me tremendously in trying to craft a solution to this situation.
So. I am not sure how to answer his email. The answer to whether I will consent to him resigning from the partnership is no, no, and HELL NO. That's the reason I filed to begin with - to stop him from doing just that.
Incidentally, FWIW, once we are D, he can do whatever the hell he wants with his partnership interest - after he has given me half the value of it.
And I don't know how to answer what my goals are - my goals are to make sure that I, and our children, are taken care of and that this is done the right way. But that's not what he wants. I think he wants me to actually give him numbers or something. I don't have enough information to do that. I do have enough information to know that all of his proposals were way off from anything I would ever agree to, both in structure and in dollars. (And, as far as the kids go, parenting time.)
I promise, I will not respond yet!!!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Don't fall for H's email. He's clearly fishing for information from you. So obvious! He wants to peek into your playbook. Don't.
Wasn't this H's response to your email from last night, right?
I am cautiously encouraged by your change of lawyers. I'm glad that you are interested in a simple and peaceful solution to this problem. My understanding of [Lawyer #1] reputation was that she was an excellent lawyer, but not a peacemaker. I'm still confused, however, because I don't know what your goals are here, because you won't tell me (other than to mediate, which doesn't tell me what it is that we disagree over and need to mediate). Letting me know what your goals are would help me tremendously in trying to craft a solution to this situation.
Wonka, I don't think there is anything sneaky about it - he wants me to tell him what I want so that he can decide if he agrees and we can be done with this. He obviously thinks it's a lot more simple than it is. I don't really have to hide what I want - I just don't know what it is because there is a ton of info I don't have. Also, everything is intertwined - you don't just take each item and split it in half.
My L told me to tell him that he needs to give me all the financial info (and we need to do our 2013 taxes) before I can meet with him. Which makes sense, because otherwise I am operating in the dark.
Should I respond to his request that I consent to him resigning from the partnership and just say no?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Don't acknowledge or comment about H's partnership thing at all. He just wants to have it in black and white so he can blame you for standing in his way & making things "difficult" for him.
Here's a suggested response to H's email:
The goal of the mediation is to discuss the division of assets and other pertinent details as they relate to our divorce. As you would agree, the overall goal is to ensure that this is as equitable and fair as we are entitled under the state laws. To get this process started, please send all your financial information to my lawyer at xxxxx. Thank you. Have a good week. -M
Oh and send your response some time at the end of the day today. You don't want to be jumping up and respond too quickly. Let H stew a bit. And this isn't an emergency.
I need some sort of surgery or something to make me not want to be nice to my H.
I feel bad for him. It really [censored] that he is going to have to sever a lucrative client relationship.
I tell myself that I shouldn't feel bad - after all, this is his choice. And, he doesn't give a crap about screwing over my future, so why should I care about him? (Well, I just do. I guess I can't be like him and not care about the past 17 years we have shared.) AND, I am pretty sure he will do just fine either way - it's not like he is struggling financially.
I still feel kind of bad, though.
I will get over it.
And I definitely will not allow that to get in the way of the business side of things.
Thanks, Wonka, for the suggested response. We have TKD tonight so I will probably wait until after that, even, to respond. I don't need him scowling at me all through TKD. We have testing today too, so I can't be distracted by that.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
A smart move on your part to hold off on the response.
I just swiped this great quote from AS in Digger's thread that perfectly applies to your sitch with H:
Anyway, regarding your comment that your W hates you now because you filed for D, that's just WAS spew. Often when the LBS is proactive about something, the WAS expresses angry outrage over it. That's part of the roller coaster ride.
See? That ^^^ sums up quite nicely what your H is reacting to in regard to your filing and getting your own lawyer.
