So if I am reading your posts correctly, you had a mother who seemed to be used to coddling you and a dad who resented you. Currently, mom would still coddle you (based on her relationship in your sisters life) because more than likely that is how she finds fulfillment in her life. She is also hating your wife at the moment because you wife is doing to you as your dad did to her. Hopefully that shines some light on why DB'ing is so important regardless of the outcome.
So you and dad had a rough relationship? That is the type of stuff IC is all about. You hopefully realize that you need to face the reality of that past to move forwards in the future? It sounds like he would have seriously messed with your self-esteem and confidence as a kid....and these things have a way of popping up later in life.
Now all that said.....You wife sounds like a powerful strong woman. I would bet very heavily the marriage she envisions is nothing like something you can relate to, but that isn't a bad thing. As Sandi said before, I am actually impressed she has stayed as long as she did.
So tell us more about the bouncer guy...they guy before depression took over. Is that the guy you want to become once again?
As for the flowers...in light of her response to V-day, I would say go for it. As we often say....each marriage is it's own beast, so there is no hard set rules for all of them.
