I may have done too much

[sandi2]

I don't blame you for staying in out of the cold! But while you are waiting for the snow to melt, maybe you could make out some sort of "survivor's plan" for those nights when you are struggling being alone or you're bored and can't think of anything. I leaned as a dieter I needed to make out my menu and have my supplies on hand. If I waited until I was really hungry, then my resistance wasn't strong enough. So I had to think ahead and have something ready at all times.

Maybe as ideas come to you, you could jot it down and have it on hand. And, coming to the board every night will help. I hope you will be able to balance things that are good for you mentally, physically, and emotionally. Do you get depressed easily during the winter months?

I understand about cutting off some friends, etc. You don"t want to start up old behaviors that weren't good. Hopefully, you will be able to make new friends. I see a lot of couples like you, who pretty much stick to each other until they wake up one day and realize they don't have any buddies. It will take some time, but it is something to look forward to and plan.

A lot of newcomers confuse the PMA with being friends to the WAS. A lot of people may not agree with me on this subject. It is just my opinion. I think the LBH can be nice.....like you would be friendly to a stranger, but you don't act like you are their BFF. You show friendliness.....as part of your personality, but you draw the line there. As some use to say......you are friend--ly, but not friends. Make sense?

Your W is having an A. Whenever a woman feels like she can leave a note to her H telling him she won't be home again that night, that is pretty bold even for a WAW. She either thinks you won't care, or she feels she has no consequences to face, or she can tell you anything and it will be okay. Whatever, she is disrespecting you, and why would you want to be her friend? I think a lot of guys make a mistake in trying to be BFF with their WAW. It is much better, IMO, if he acts nonchalant about whatever she does.



Now don't swing too far the other direction. Just as some confuse PMA with friendship, others confuse detaching with acting cold. You keep a positive mental attitude about things in general. In other words, you work towards not talking, thinking, or acting in a negative way that makes you look as if you've eaten sour grapes. Who wants to be around someone like that?

Detaching is an attitude. It does seem to be opposite of what many think a MR is. But if you will read up on it, I think it would be most beneficial. If I can find the post, or if someone else knows where it is, we can copy it. It is a great definition of detachment.

I hope I have not confused you more.