Need some help with a response (or not) to H's email of this morning.
Just so there's no misunderstanding here: your petition for legal separation and the ensuing injunction is wreaking havoc on my career (in addition to running up legal fees). If that is your intent, so be it and I will live with that. If that is not your intent, I would appreciate you discussing this with me so that we can resolve the issue and move forward.
I have no idea what prompted this email.
I am going to go pick my jaw up off the floor (he never ceases to amaze me with his selfishness and blaming me for his own choices). Would love any input.
Because right now, if I was just saying what came to mind, my reply would be something like this,
Fvck you, H.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
WOW M. I have no advice. I just cant believe (well I can believe it but it still blows my mind) that he is blaming you for wrecking havoc on his life. Because he decisions over the last few months have resulted in no damage to your or your children's lives.
Did you meet with the new attorney yet? I am not sure if there is any way for you to resolve this with him amicable if he continue with these accusatory emails.
So devil's advocate here: He didn't say you were wreaking havoc but the filing was. I don't know why that would be. Do you? Is there some legitimate reason he would say that?
Be angry, get it out, write out in you own journal what you would like to say and come back with a clear head. What are you really feeling? Scared, hurt, disrespected?
I've seen your responses on other threads, you get this. Reread your H's email without emotion and the internal inflection you might automatically add, what would you say to another poster?
He wants a discussion, you can do that or not. If you can't deal with him face-to-face, you don't have to. That's what L's are for, right?
He may get angry. Oh, well. He can deal with that.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
So devil's advocate here: He didn't say you were wreaking havoc but the filing was. I don't know why that would be. Do you? Is there some legitimate reason he would say that?
He said it was the injunction that was the problem. The injunction only stops him from dissipating or disposing of marital assets, and taking the kids out of state without my permission. The only asset that has anything to do with his career is his partnership interest in his law firm. (The exact reason I filed - because he was saying he was going to give it up.) Last week, after he saw his own L, he sent me an email about how he understood now that his partnership interest is worth something, so he had told his firm he would stay on as a partner, and he would sever his ties with his consulting clients (he is not allowed to have those clients while a partner with his firm), with only one little snide remark.
I can only guess he didn't really mean it then and is mad now. Maybe he expected me to back down after his email? I don't know. But the injunction is in place whenever a legal separation or a divorce is pending, so I am not sure how he thought this was going to work.
I need to come back later to think about it from an outsider's perspective, and to try to read it without emotion. Right now I read it as, "me me me me me me me, who cares about you, it's all about me, and it's all your fault."
Maybe IC will help.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
LMAO...your H is running scared and is trying to apply pressure you not to have the injunction in place or deal with your L. He's messed up and furiously blowing smoke up your ass.
If I may so, I have a pretty good track record in suggesting text responses that slams the ball back in the WAS' side of the court without emotion...just the facts ma'am.
Here's a suggested response:
I am sorry you feel this way. You wanted a divorce...it is not what I want but will not stand in your way. You requested that we meet in person. I am open to hearing what you have to say.
Any chance you could ask him if he would prefer to mediate? I just did this last week with my h. The mediator was a lawyer/councellor. Specializing in conflict resolution. The meeting was amazing, and who would have thought that Reconcilliation was an option.
Maybe take the attack approach out of the conflict and see what can be mutually agreed upon. Who knows, maybe a reconcilliation could be in the works for you both, if you take the "me me me" out of it.
I guess it may depend on what you really want. I am all for standing up for yourself and getting what you need. A laywer as back up is my plan... but, waiting to see if we can negotiate terms that are suitable for both (with reconcilliation on the table).
Good luck...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I also like Wonka's approach... its quite gentle and less attacking sounding...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
LOL! Sorry but I love how they react when we make our own decisions. It's like they spent so much time in the drivers' seat being coddled by our hurt feelings that it's a kick in the balls when we act as individuals.
I love your response. Don't send it
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
