Sex-Starved??? That's an understatement!

[LFC1170]

You do see that the two of you are in a horrendous vicious cycle of hurting each other, right?

Absolutely! After reading DR and M/V I realized everything we did wrong and how we hurt each other equally. My hurt was outwardly and hers was inwardly.

I also feel sympathy for her, because there was clearly a reason she felt she needed to reject you in that way. Do you know what it is? Did your W not feel emotionally safe in your R? #s 1 and 2 above are HUGE.

I ALSO feel sympathy for her. This must be a difficult time for her. Yes! I did a lot of things that I thought would be constructive but ended up being hurtful to my goal of being closer to her. I didn't validate her feelings. When we argued it was always one way. She never came back at me. She just held it inside. This had to contribute to her not being safe emotionally or safe enough to bring up her concerns. I totally understand this.

Have you done any 180s on the things you listed? Are there other things your W or you have identified as things you could stand to change about yourself?

Yes! I totally changed the way I listen to her. I validate her feelings more. I don't listen with a critical ear. When she's frustrated I would love to be able to give her a hug or touch her cheek but I don't think it would be appreciated at this time. My wife at this point has taken a whatever attitude in terms of what she thinks I need to do to change. She is not actively doing anything from the books. It is all on me to make the changes.

What do you mean when you say you don't know how long you can tolerate this? If you decided you weren't going to tolerate it anymore, what would you do differently?

I don't know. I'm too emotionally attached to the whole situation and if she does indeed intend to move out, I couldn't heal until there was physical separation. So I would probably remove myself from the situation but I don't have anywhere to go, no finances to do it and wouldn't want to DEVASTATE our son if I don't HAVE to.