A quick update for those who are curious to see how things look after the "MLC'er, I'm just about done" speech, and for journalling purposes.
My life is good, just about all things going well, still wish I had a 48 hour day or something, but I just keep bulldozing through the needful. It's what I do.
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W has started initiating a couple/few small things like texting "sending u a hug", and she is on a cleaning, sorting and organizing de-cluttering campaign still.
Funny story (to me at least), this weekend, taking W her lunch that she forgot. So she notices that I notice there is no ring on her finger, but on a different one. I go and shop a few minutes, see if any treasure cookware, camping gear or tools.
She bee-lines it to me to explain that the ring she chose was too big for that finger, etc. Wanted to make sure I didn't think "anything"...she should have used tape to keep it on, etc...
She has worn the ring since shortly after BD#3, basically since May 1 last year...sometimes she will wear a different ring, but on that finger, depending on mood and outfit.
I did think, for about 3 minutes, that if it was so important to "check-in" with me, that she paused training a new person to do so, then maybe just get it over with and recommit and we can get on with life already... 3 minutes of antsy, then back to all systems nominal to profile.
Ms Frugal wouldn't have me drive across town when she could go to a store 2 blocks away. Testing maybe...figuring out if she broke the parts of me she actually liked, lol!
When she thanked me for it again this evening, I just said, "That's what I do" and walked away back to my business.
It's all just "interesting" now, and I think back 2 years ago how I would have hung on something like that ^^^ looking for signs of reconciliation. Now it is just a possibility in the realm of possibilities, some good, some not so good, most neutral.
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I was thinking this weekend while prepping food, how I felt way back at BD. I couldn't imagine loving another woman, that it would ever feel "right". Or be as intense or as satisfying, etc.
I know that is no longer true. Once I figured out "that" I actually loved myself, and "how to", I have found that my capacity to love is expanded exponentially.
I can love and be happy with someone else, because I love, and am happy with myself, now.
And if we do manage to start a new R, we are different, "new", people now...
Thank you W's MLC.
I wouldn't be the man I am without it.
And I kinda like that guy, now.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
