Wife wants divorce - my first post

[TL72*]

I'm not so sure that accusations are going to help. If she is having an affair, it is a fantasy and won't last. She's going to do what she's going to do and if you want to reconcile with her then don't talk about it with bar friends. That didn't turn out well. I had an affair 3 years ago, I wasn't getting what I needed at home and I made the wrong choice, I deeply regret it though at the time I thought I was in love. My H found out and he did ask me to end it and eventually I did. He fought for me though, started filling in the missing gaps with love and affection that I so needed. For the last 3 years we were healing from it together (so I thought) and it seemed like everything was good and moving forward. Then he dropped the bomb on me that he wanted a divorce out of the blue. Says he can't forgive me for the affair that was 3 years ago and didn't want to try anymore. I wish I had known that it was still eating away at him, I want nothing more than to reconcile. Anyway following Sandy's rules is something i'm doing too. I suspect an EA with a coworker he has been texting, I let him know that I love him no matter what and will just let it play out. I can't control anything but my own actions. Neither can you. Be patient, be calm, keep reading everything you can. She has to come to the conclusion on her own that she wants to keep the family together or stop if she's doing something like an A. Work on changing yourself so she will want to. She'll see the changes. My H told me that he saw the changes in me and that they don't matter. This was before I read the rules and was in pursuing mode, I have since stopped all that but really see no sign of anything, I don't know when he's moving out, maybe the first of the month. I think that is when he'll figure out that maybe we can reconcile. I'm being nothing but kind to him, listening to him, we still sleep in the same bed and have relations several times a week. I don't tell him I love him, I don't talk about the relationship at all, just starting to do my own thing and move forward "as if" i'll be ok without him. and I will, I just don't want to. I'm putting it in God's hands. sorry I ended up combining my story into yours, sometimes it's nice to just talk to others going through something similar. We're here to listen.