Working on Divorce Busting every Day!

[Mic]

Hi
This is a good place to journal for me. I would love to hear from some of the veterans on here. I feel like every day is harder than the day before. I am dismantling a life.
I know this sounds completely selfish but I feel like it is so not fair that I am hurting so bad and my H is just so happy and none of this is affecting him in the least.
We own a farm together as one of our properties and since he wants the farm and I'm not sure if I will be able to swing it financially, I am having to be proactive and find homes for all of the animals. This hurts so much since all of the animals have a story. (They are all rescues) It hurts my children. It hurts that I am giving up my children almost 1/2 the time for the rest of my life. My reality is that my life is going to suck while his is going to be great. At least it looks that way to me now.
I am losing everything important to me. IC is helping but each day it seems harder than the one before.
I cried when I found out that my D might be final in a few short months (that is if we can agree to everything -- which is a joke) My H feels everything should be divided 50/50 except the money of course - LOL. I am still holding on to so much anger towards him and towards myself.
I see so many mistakes I made in this marriage. I have changed so much but it feels as if there is no point because my marriage is still broken. Everyone is telling me to move on and find someone else. I am just not ready.
It hurts to know that no matter what my H and I are the only ones that will love our children as much as we do.
I'm sure this was not DB but I texted him the the other day - He had me watch the kids while he went to a meeting. He was late coming back - yet he wants more time with them. He is so illogical. If he got all the time he wanted then he would never work. Another rant! He apologized for being late and I said "any extra time I get with our kids is a bonus" He said "I feel the same way"
Really - my thoughts I did not say this - You do - If you did then we wouldn't each be away from them 3 or 4 days a week. We would each be with them 7 days.
I did text him and say "Spending extra time with the kids this morning made we again realize how screwed up and horrible my life is right now and how I had the perfect life. I guess a lot of times you have to lose everything to appreciate what you had. I know you already know that." He gave no response to that which is understandable.

Today I cried because I was supposed to get my carpet cleaned and they couldn't make it up the icy driveway. I thought really I can't even get the stupid carpet cleaned. What have I done that nothing goes right.
I know that everyone says it is the darkest just before the dawn. I really want the dawn to get here.

I sent back in disagreement to most of his shared parenting plan so we will see how that goes.

Also I have had two sessions with the DB coach which were awesome and I signed up for 3 more. I just wondered how many do people normally do and when do they quit the R forever. I'm not ready to quit. It's just hard when he seems so at peace and I'm in such turmoil.

Thoughts from others would be much appreciated.