Sex-Starved??? That's an understatement!

[LFC1170]

You said you doubt how long you can do this. Do what? I'm sorry but I don't get it.

Tolerate the situation. I try to be detached and DB'ing with the Last Resort Tech.
Sometimes the anti-depressants don't help. Some days are better than others.

What is different in your r now, that was not already happening the past 10 years?

Let's see... I have a firm declaration of an intent to divorce, I'm sleeping on the couch, I'm not snuggling in the bedroom, I have to fib to my son about why i'm on the couch, I can't share a small kiss in the morning, I can't call her honey or babe, I got back problems and prostate problems, I don't have any hope that I can be intimate with her again. Not just sexual. That's just off the top of my head.

Real forgiveness is a process. Takes time. OR are you upset AT her for not agreeing with you in the first place and for arguing? So is it You who needs to let go and move on, or her, or both?

She always said I held grudges. I didn't think so, but I admit during arguments I do bring up past things so maybe I did. That's nothing compared to what she does when we could have 5-6 months of peace and I would try to get close again. She would refuse. I would get frustrated then angry then she would add another 7-8 months to my no-intimacy "sentence". It was something my head said I would never pay that debt in full but my heart held out hope.

[b]It also sounds as if finances are an issue for your m too. Not just the sexual aspects.[/b]

She want's her independence but she hardly works. Of course it's an issue. It really wasn't an issue when she wanted to be my wife. The sexual stuff has been going on a lot longer than the financial stuff.

We shared tiny kisses but when my sexual needs weren't being met I rejected and was cold to those kisses. Now they are taken away and I would do anything to have them back. It's true when they say you don't know what you got till it's gone.

When I asked you about this^^, you denied it. But you also wrote:

I rejected the kisses mentally not outwardly. It was frustrating, when I wanted even a small kiss goodbye as I went to work, she never offered her lips, just a forehead or cheek. In turn this is how my son showed affection to other family members. The grandmas wondered why he never kissed with his lips and only offered foreheads and cheeks. It was because he observed his mother and father.


It's hard to admit some of the acts we do or things we say, let alone when we see it in writing, b/c then it's like a big confession.

But if it is true and needs to be changed, denying it prolongs YOUR pain, and hers...

I'm confused are you acknowledging my realization of all that I did wrong or are you saying i'm still in denial?