I'm in, wife's out

[trc2009]

Absolutely. It has to end. We never really fought until she dropped the bomb on me.

That being said, I read DR over the weekend. So much rings true to what's going on. I'm not sure if we're in "Last Resort" mode or not (to my knowledge she hasn't filed for D). All of our days aren't "bad" days where we can't stand the sight of each other.

But I've been putting a lot of thought into my "goals."

One thing for certain is that there can be no more conversations that devolve into arguments/fights. It's like a one step forward, two steps back thing whenever that happens. So that's Goal #1.

We did have a good discussion Friday evening. We agreed that I do have the right to spend the night in the house with the kids more often. So as of this past Friday, we're starting to split time there instead of me staying somewhere else every night. That was huge for me. Home is definitely where the heart is even if you only get to stay there 50% of the time. Better than 0-5% of the time.

Time will tell how long that will last because she may get tired of it. But she knows very well that she can stay or go as she pleases.

Had a great weekend. Stayed at home with the kids Friday night, played w/ them on Saturday morning. Went out on Saturday night with a friend. Had a blast! I've gotten in pretty good shape over the last couple of months. Not quite where I want to be but after going out on Saturday, I've got a little bit of my "confidence" back. Had some attention my way (obviously didn't act on any of it), but it was nice to know that I can still talk to other women without stumbling over myself (it's been a while).

My wife and I exchanged a few texts over the weekend that were very civil and light. And I got to stay at my house last night with the kids. She was already there this morning before I got up to get ready for work. So I guess that's a positive thing.

I'm thinking about other goals at the moment. Obviously I know the end results that I want, but I'm not sure what is considered reasonable.

#1 I already mentioned (stopping the fighting/arguments).

#2 Part of me thinks a reasonable goal is for us to no longer be separated or at least living under the same roof. That would provide so much more stability and certainty for us (and by extension, the kids). It will be hard to work on long-term solution oriented goals (closeness, intimacy, spending time with just the two of us, etc.) until we're at least under the same roof and working toward REALLY improving our marriage. I'm hesitant to put a "deadline" on this because what if we don't hit it?

As of today, my wife is still a W.A.W. While she can seem pleasant and caring at times, I've seen this before over the last several weeks only to find out she's just as checked out as she was a month ago. #1 I can most certainly measure and control that to a certain extent.

In regards to #2, is the 180 probably the best method of working toward us no longer being separated? If I felt she was REALLY committed to working on the marriage I would say the 180 isn't necessary, but I can tell you that I've been using a lot of the 180 techniques over the last week (Friday I fumbled a bit) and it "seems" like she has taken notice of some. But it's probably too early to tell if there is any "measurable" signs if how I've been approaching things has had any impact.