melissa - gotta get back to me

[Underdog]

I need to go to yoga with you!!!! Then I'll buy the drinks. Not too many, though, cause I don't want any more hangovers. Once every 10 years is enough!

[melissag]

Betsey, I'm up for yoga anytime!

Glad to hear others cry after yoga . . . it's kind of weird, isn't it? Not weird as in abnormal, apparently - but just odd that it would happen.

In one of the classes I went to this weekend, the intention was to unlearn something. I thought that was really fitting for my sitch right now. The whole beginner's mind idea.

What I love about this board, and reading others' threads in addition to my own, is that we can all use reminders of the basics from time to time. Even Cadet's welcome message - about using the gift of time wisely. Most of these things really can't be repeated too often.

Gineen, sometimes I think I am crying in hot yoga, but no, it's just that I am so soaking wet that my eyes are welling up with sweat. I don't know how hot your class was, but when I am done with hot yoga at my studio, I look like I just climbed out of a pool. Of course that's the only class where I am ever next to a hot guy.

3boyz, yessssssss. I need to trust myself! Why do I not trust myself? Somewhere in my M I lost my self confidence and trust in myself. I have some of it back, but not nearly all. But each time I make a decision, I gain more of it back.

So H brought the kids back tonight. He came in, said goodbye to them and asked me when I could meet. I'll be honest, his "hurry up" crap is really irritating to me. And, if I am being really honest, it makes me want to make him wait longer.

Isn't that so mature? Oy.

PM, and everyone else who commented on the meeting with H, no, I will agree to nothing if I meet with him. I plan to listen to whatever he says, and then tell him that I need to talk with my lawyer about it.

Quite frankly, the meeting is going to be kind of useless in terms of resolving anything, because I still don't have his financials, nor do I have any numbers from my lawyer, and I don't know anything about the judge we were assigned, etc. . . . I pretty much know nothing I need to know in order to make any kind of decisions.

I think it's going to be more a chance to see whether we can even sit in the same room without him making any insensitive comments, or me feeling overwhelmed with some emotion or another. Like I said, I will go with an open mind, but I don't have high hopes.

So back to the kids. For those who have kids, do you remember when they were little, and you would send them on a play date with a friend, and sometimes there would be this one kid that you'd think, "I am soooo not sending my kid on another play date with that kid, because my kid acted obnoxious the rest of the day after he/she got home"?

My H is that kid.

My H is really obnoxious. In some cases, I think it can be funny. But the kids don't really know the distinction of when it's funny and when it's inappropriate. I remember getting into a huge fight with my H once when we were at Disneyland - we were on Soarin' (for those not familiar, it simulates being on a hang glider over different parts of CA, complete with smells!), and when we got to the part where you go over some rafters on the river, my H said to D9 (then D5), "kick them in the head!!!"

So that was a huge fight bc I don't want m 5 year old acting or thinking like that, and H said it was fine of course, and he said he WANTED her to be obnoxious, because he is obnoxious and I guess he thinks it's really cool and he's so funny.

Anyway. I am all about having fun and being silly - I am not uptight by any means. But they come home and they have made up songs about their trip. "Mom, when you listen to these songs, you will know everything about our trip." And they are about having to pee, and sitting on the toilet and being like, ahhhhhh. And that Bull Elks are stupid, and boys suck, and something about farts, and it was soooo cold that if I had peed my pee would have frozen - on and on.

So, I don't know. Maybe I am just looking for things to be mad about. Maybe I am being overcritical or maybe I am jealous because they spent this time with H and not me. (Though apparently H dropped them off at ski school all day - 6 hours - and skied with his Dad. They didn't like that too much.) Or maybe it's objectively an issue how obnoxious he acts around them and encourages them to be. I guess it doesn't matter because I can't really address it. I am just venting because it's annoying.

Maybe tomorrow in IC I will get to the issue of my feeling competitive with my H about the kids. I feel like I should have one of those wheels we could spin and whichever of my 37 issues it lands on we can talk about that day.

Tomorrow is a new day!

[labug]

Just a few thoughts.

1. You've said many times that your H didn't have a good role model. Not an excuse, just an explanation. Without seeing the need to change, none of us would. We continue to walk around doing as we were programmed.

2. All parents parent differently (I know that's not a news flash). We each bring our weaknesses as well as our strengths. Your H had enough good qualities that you were attracted to him, married him, had babies with him. What are the good qualities he brings to parenting?

3. When you got in that fight at Disneyland, how did it start? Do you remember what you said? (I'm asking what you said cause it doesn't matter what he said, he's not here and you didn't like his behavior some I'm guessing you spoke first)

Knowing what you know now, how would have handled that differently, leading with love and keeping the R in front of your mind?

And about those really bad days...I eventually got to the place of accepting them and being almost happy when they occurrred cause it meant I was peeling another layer of my crap and would feel so much better after.

[bluesgal]

Thinking about you M!