Rebel without a clue

[prometheus]

I am extremely selfish, immature, only concerned with my own interests and not hers. I don't care about anyone else in the house. I am operating from a place of fear. I have a miserable face on ALL the time. She feels contempt and resentment towards me because i will not listen to her and move out.

Typical WAS spew, it's called "projection" because she's basically projecting all her own issues onto you. Don't argue with her, but also don't back down from your position, stand strong and confident! Just tell her you understand her concerns but you are doing what you feel is best for you and the kids.

Thans for the comment and advice AnotherStander. It really helps me get through. I am getting better at owning my own chit, and not taking on other peoples issues. When my self esteem is very low, i have the tendency to believe all of that stuff and take it to heart. Sometimes it is still hard not to. But i have realised, partly through all of the great help that i have had on this forum, that i am not responsible for the projected anger and spew. I am learning not to argue. In the past, i could not help myself; i would defend my position if i felt i was in the right. I am less inclined to these days. In my Wifes' eyes i am the cause of world hunger. Working on raising my self esteem has allowed me to be more forgiving of myself and others. I try my best and that is all that i can do. I am at peace with that.

As for standing strong and not backing down, i have wavered a lot. My general stand has been to silently hold my position. I have said to my wife tings along the lines of what you have suggested ^^^ in the past. That is when i feel i need to justify my position/reasons for staying the most. That is when i am likely to be drwn into an argument. Not any more!

At times, i have been persuaded by W and others that the best course is to make moves to leave the house. I start to follow through with the intent but the more i prosecute that line, the more something?? inside me begins to mount a resistance to leaving my family. All of a sudden the fog lifts and i find myself saying "what the ? Why are you leaving your children? Why are you giving up when you don't want to really? I am in turmoil over this. I still don't have a clear plan to move forward out of this impasse.