Long time reader - first time writer

[Cnfused]

Thanks for the quick replies!
I have read DB and was going to read DR next. I don't snoop because it will not change my decision to stay or go, so why deal with the emotions of knowing anything. I have been working on myself since she said she was unhappy. I know I drank to much and have stopped because that was something that upset her. She had never said it was a deal breaker but now I know it is and I value her and my family so much more than drinking. The second thing she has said she is not happy about are my three boys from previous marriage. We had shared custody when they were younger. They have been gone for about 3 years. The oldest two are on their own living in a different state and the third one is deployed in the Navy and returning in April.
Our youngest son is going with me when his deployment is over in April W does not want to go. She is going to Florida with her mom instead. She just has so much anger and bitterness that has built up over the years. Now it seems to have turned to apathy. I have read many books before coming here... 7LL, Starved for affection, Marriage Fitness, Surprising ways to a stronger marriage, How to improve your marriage w/o talking about it, Text the romance back & more.
She doesn't think she will ever "be in love with me again." She may be dealing with MLC. It should be me I'm the older one. LOL I work a lot but probably not much more than most husbands trying to support their family and she works at the school our son attends. I work 45-50 hours a week and she works 30-35.
Feeling I needed to work on connection from one of the books I had read. I started calling & texting during the day a few months back and she seemed to pull further away. Now I rarely call or text unless it's logistical. I think she is stepping in to fill that void a little. She even gave me a hug when I left for work this morning. I don't let those things get me too excited or happy when it happens or too sad when they don't happen. I feel sorry for her that she is so confused about what she want's and know I can't do much or don't know what to do to help her move forward. I'm thinking she will probably leave. I know she can't afford to live on her own but don't want her to stay just for the money. I think in the last 16 months I've tried to carry the relationship and she hasn't had to put much effort in, knowing that I'm not leaving.
I'm thinking we/I need to set some boundaries in regards to our pay checks going into our checking account. She's been depositing a very small portion of her pay and keeping the rest in a separate account. While I was giving her my check stub & the deposit slip. I did that for about nine months and then started keeping money to the side as well. When she called me out on it I put all the cash the table and told her I was all in - what do you want to do?
She charges items to her credit card that I basically pay each month. I told her I wanted to see what I was paying for. Needless to say she got pissed. Any thoughts on how to handle this sitch? I think she has some issues about money... power/control etc.
Sorry for the long winded reply but that gives you some back ground.
Thanks for listening & your replies