Four weeks in, hopeful but just starting!

[KGirl]

artsy, you speak wise words. It's easier to focus on the OW/blame them instead of our H's or ourselves. Even though in this case I am highly doubtful the OW has anything to do with this (when I went through my snoop phase last weekend it was evident this is in H's head and not her approaching him). Bah. All the junk happening lately (finding the awful friend e-mails, finding the "possessions" division list, figuring out the OW's name) has left me in a cr*ppy mood. Today I'm feeling about 90% sure that we'll get a D no matter what I do or change just because my husband is so stubborn once he says he'll do something. I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but he stayed in a job he hated for 4 years because he had "committed" to it. It wasn't until someone literally walked down the hallway and said "it sounds like your bosses aren't treating you well... would you like to come work with me?" that he left. No effort needed on his part. But it's also the only thing going for me in that in takes H a loong time and an extreme situation for H to act, so if left to his own devices I can't imagine the actual D starting for months.

Something I've been worrying about too much the past few days is the living situation. I see over and over on here how you're basically scr*wing your chances of R if the LBS moves out. But since my H plans to refinance and buy me out of the house, I really have no choice but to move. I'm not fighting for the house, I don't want the mortgage. I can rent a 2 bed apartment in a decent area here for essentially what I was paying for my half the mortgage so it's not worth it to pay double for a 3 bed house that's way too big for me, and we only bought it a year ago so it's not much of an investment right now.

So my question to you all is: how can you move out in a DBing way? My thought so far is to first wait until it actually comes up in conversation or I'm asked about it. Second, make it clear what my stipulations are for moving out (whatever legal-type paperwork or things need to happen to ensure that 1) my name is off the mortgage, and 2) that it is documented how much equity I am owed based on what I've paid in myself). Only after those things are squared away will I move out - so legal protections without actually starting a D or legal S. Any other ideas or approaches aside from legal 'cause I know this isn't the place for legal advice? It s*cks because H will have a pretty easy life (well aside from the mortgage payment.. but then again he doesn't spend money on anything for himself or for fun so he prob. won't care) and I will have to be inconvenienced with moving, packing, changing addresses, etc. But I don't see any other option.