Fog City Coaster - trouble hanging on

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Sitch update:

Wow what a week (9 days now). After a few months of virtual no-contact and getting tired of limbo, I come up with a plan of reconnecting with my w

My current master-plan: I believe that in my case, in addition to becoming the spouse only a fool would leave, I need to get my w to be irresistibly attracted to me again. I believe that I could do this by creating a sexual connection with my w. W has previously suggested to me that we could have a sexual relationship, but then she backed out suggesting that I would get too emotionally attached. Knowing her, I believe that she would get emotionally attached as well (although she says she wouldn’t I am not sure if she believes what she is saying). Anyway, I believe that she would initially be more attracted to me if she believed that I was just in it for the sex. The roadblocks that I need to overcome are my W’s fear of getting involved with me again, outside influences (w is almost certainly getting at least some of what she is seeking from an OM who she may or may not have an emotional attachment to), distance (it seems that w and I are hardly ever in the same city anymore and we are usually a few hours apart).

Events of the past 9 days:

I start with the idea seducing my w by sending funny, and sexually suggestive texts. W responds in a way that seems to be a bit flirty, but at one point it seems that she thinks I want to meet up with her to get her to sign something (perhaps move forward with divorce or some legal protections for me). At this point I respond by telling w that if I were to have her sign anything it would be a contract similar to one written by Christian Gray (basically telling her that I am looking for a sexual relationship and I am sure that she understood). Her response was “OIC…” (I am not sure if the “all caps” was meaningful here or not).

A few hours pass and communication takes a 90 degree turn heading in a completely different direction; her work has just asked her to take a step down and for my W this was huge. She has always been an incredibly hard worker, putting work in front of all other things. I know that she was devastated. I turn into the caring loving partner simply telling her that I am there for her. She says that she would like a shoulder to cry on. Then she says she would like a shoulder and a bottle of wine. But after some time passes, it seems that the logistics can’t work or that w thought better of this.
Wednesday I see w for maybe 10 minutes when she comes by to pick up some mail. I am a supportive ear and she seems to be pulling it together and looking for a new job. She was not flirty and seemed a bit closed off, but she was friendly

During our M, I had not done a good job taking care of my w and since then she has not asked me to do anything for her. She left saying that she needed someone to take care of her. When I saw w on Wednesday, I told w that I would do anything I could to help her. Thursday she seeks out my help in taking some assessments that needed to completed from home before an interview.

I spent two hours working (from a distance) with W on Friday (Valentine’s Day) helping her prepare for her interview. No happy Valentine’s Day exchanges, but apparently she is taking me out to dinner sometime. I have been there and done that. Sometimes get-togethers happen, sometimes not, but when they have happened they have not led anywhere. I finish working with her about a half hour before her meeting is to happen and she says that she will let me know how it goes.

I had not heard anything, so late Saturday I message her asking her how it went and (attempting to use humor) I suggest that they should have made her the new company CEO.

I don’t hear back until today with her telling me that she has not heard anything. In the same message she asked me if she got anymore of her important mail.

My interpretation: there may still be an opening there but there is a lot of chaos to navigate.

The potential positive: After my sexually suggestive messages w actually suggested getting together and sharing a bottle of wine. That I helped w prepare for her interview may have some long-term positive effects. W may be taking me out to dinner.

The potential negative: We did not get-together and share a bottle of wine. My helping w may actually scare her away in the short-run (she had previously told me that I care too much to be involved with her). W was too unavailable over the weekend to send me a simple text (suggesting to me that she is taking space for some reason).

The impact on me: This is exhausting. The ups and downs within a week are emotionally difficult to the extent that it is hard for me to focus on other things. I am not sure if I am happier now than I was while w and I were in virtual no-contact