melissa - gotta get back to me

[melissag]

I just realized, reading Wonka's post, that maybe my H's text about his match profile was misunderstood here.

As I understood it, he wasn't asking me my opinion of his profile, he was asking literally, how did I get to look at it? I assume because you can't view someone's profile without being a member yourself. So who knows what he was speculating - he has a good imagination.

[quoteWhat's this I hear about "lunatic" posts, heh?? I'd say pretty darn close. Nah, just kidding. I like you because you do work hard at digging deep and trying to look at things from different perspectives. This is HARD work, baby.[/quote]

Thank you for saying that. I really do try . . . I just don't always get it. Sometimes it takes me a while and some bonks on the head first.

Why would you knowing how irrational his thoughts are at the present time? Do you remember when your kid was 2 years old and said to you, "I hate you!" Did you believe him/her? Exactly. This is how you might want to approach H when he gets into those stupid rants and tirades.

Hmm. I like the comparison. H as a bratty two year old. It works.

Why would you want to compromise your own values for the sake of avoiding upsetting your H?!!

I think I went too far with my 180s, honestly. For a long time (and still some now), I would internalize what my H said and wonder if it was true. Do I really always have to get my way? Am I really too lenient with the kids? Am I really too critical?

Well, I was too critical. But some of those other things, they were H's view and not an objective view. I think H is kind of like one of those Moms who thinks that bottle feeding is evil, because it makes her feel better about her decision to breast feed. (That was a weird analogy, I know, but it's what popped into my head first.) I think that he reassures himself that the way he does things is the right way by viewing my way as the wrong way. So he would attack my way. And then I really started to wonder if my way was wrong. (Oy.) So getting to the point - for a while I wasn't sure what was real and what was my H, so I maybe went too far toward what he thought I should do with some things, before realizing that wasn't in line with my values.

Not really. As far as stupid goes, the best thing is to ignore them. And believe me...they DO get the message.

You think? I know that I would get the message. If I said something that was hurtful or stupid (and didn't realize it at first) and the person ignored me, I think I would start wondering if maybe what I said was offensive. But I don't know - H seems to really be in la la land where he can do no wrong. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter what he thinks.

By losing your fear and taking back your own personal power. You've been giving it away far too quickly and easily. Do you see this, M?

I see it when you and others point it out, but I am really not good at identifying it on my own yet. I hope I will get there at some point.

I'd be very leery of this. This happens when the WAS is very desperate to settle the financials QUICKLY. They don't have you in their best interests. They don't want the lawyers involved because they know that they have to cough up whatever is legally required in S and D. In these cases, I would go ahead and meet with the WAS just to listen to what they have to say. Oftentimes, they just pull out imaginary figures out of their own wazoo hoping to pull the wool over the LBS' eyes. Silly!

Of course, you DO need a lawyer to protect your financial interests. This is what lawyers are for, right?

Yes. I am not sure that my H is trying to get away with something but he clearly does want to get this done quickly. I guess he just wants to move on.

Like Betsey said, I ought to use his impatience to my advantage - after all, I have no reason to hurry this up. If he wants to hurry up, maybe he will have to agree to what I want.