melissa - gotta get back to me

[melissag]

What a difference a day makes.

I feel 1,000 times better today than I did yesterday. (Thank goodness.)

Yesterday I spent some time cleaning, went to yoga, had a massage, and then went out with a friend.

I think we hold a lot of emotions in our physical bodies . . . sorry if I am getting all woo woo here, but has anyone else cried after yoga or a massage? It's like some sort of detox for my emotions somehow. So doing both consecutively resulted in me crying my eyes out all the way home and then some.

And then, when I was done, I felt like so many things were clearer.

I realized that I was really stressed about my attorney. I felt like things were out of my control with her. I am watching my control issues, but I do think that this is my life and my kids' life, and my money too - and I just felt like she was taking over. Worse yet, I had a very uneasy feeling that she was going to stir the pot just for fun (or to rack up my bill). Her temperament was too adversarial, too aggressive, too pushy . . . I didn't like it.

So I fired her. And I can't tell you how much better I feel. A friend of mine has been divorced for 15 years and loves his lawyer . . . so I called him this morning. He seems much more levelheaded. He listens to me rather than yammering on and on about what a dick my H is and how they all are screwing other women and he'll probably buy a new sports car. I am meeting with him tomorrow, but I think it will go well. (Also, when I told him the name of the lawyer I had initially hired, he confirmed that she is all fireworks. Soooo not what I need right now.)

I am also going to see my new (old) C tomorrow morning. I have been wanting to switch back to her (I had only seen her once, but I really liked her and thought our personalities worked well together), so I am looking forward to that. My current C is wonderful and will hold my hand and root me on, but I feel like I need someone with a stronger personality who will challenge me and call me on my BS. (Kinda like you guys LOL.)

The friend I went out with last night was divorced after a 7 year M (no kids). Her current H was also divorced, when his kids were toddlers. They each had their own story, but each one went through a terrible, terrible time, and they have been happily married to each other for over a decade. She said that she remembered feeling like she was going to be alone forever, and she couldn't even imagine dating anyone else, etc.

It really helped me to see that, and remind myself that I've got a lot of years left to live and be happy. This doesn't need to be the story of my life . . . it can just be one chapter, if I allow it to be.

She reminded me that H is just limited. Right now he can only do what he is doing. That's all he is capable of right now. Kind of goes hand in hand with the idea that this has nothing to do with me . . . he has his own issues and I have nothing to do with them and can't solve them.

Also, my friend's H (whom I am also friends with) owns a wealth management company, and said he would help me out as far as financial planning, issues to spot in a settlement, etc., for no charge.

I am so lucky to have wonderful friends.

Now, if only I had a dumpster so I could just throw things out directly from the closet.

To give my H some credit, he sent me a video of my D9 tubing yesterday, and one of my S7 skiing this morning. So I guess that was nice. I am glad they are having fun, but it really does give me a knot in my stomach that I will miss out on so much with them.

So I just have to make sure that I make the most of the time I do spend with them.

25, I am taking your advice . . . I will give this "no lawyers" thing ONE shot. One. Because something I figured out in the past 24 hours is that divorce is, in and of itself, antagonistic. There is just no way to go through a non-contentious D, when one person wants it and the other doesn't. (Other than me doing exactly what my H wants, I guess.) I just need to accept that. I am getting D, and it's not going to be fun or pretty. My H is going to be mad when I stand up for what I want and deserve. I'm just saying that based on how things have gone so far. I will meet with my H (after meeting with my new L) at some point, and I will be open minded, but I will remember to have zero expectations, and if it doesn't go well, it will be OK to have lawyers help us.

OK. Whew. I'm back! Hallelujah. Let's hope I can make it last.