work is good; H is crazy

[ericmsant2]

WR,

I do not believe that you always respond to H. I not saying this..err...writing this to upset you. If I have I am sorry.

IMO, you are not being rude - if you do not respond to somethings. Here are a few examples (they are the extremes)

1 - God forbid, the boys get into an accident. I wouid respond to any text related to that.

2 - H texts you about legal stuff. I would NOT always respond.

3 - H sends a nasty text. I would never respond.

So in the context of his text to you...

"I have been trying to understand this but can't figure it out. Why you chose not to respond to my last letter from the lawyer?"

I would not respond. Why? Why do you need to keep him in the loop about things that your L is doing?

When I was going through this with my XW the hardest thing for me to do was detaching from my XW. For me, I felt that I needed to respond to be "nice", so that i was not "rude"...etc. The deeper reasons though...were because I was HOPING that she would "see" the new me, that somehow she was interpret my responses in a postive light...that somehow on some level I could "talk, convince" her in a subtle way..that I could show her what she was giving up.

On some level this is normal. Sometimes though it can just make it harder to really detach.

I learned to ask myself a few questions before I would respond to anything.

1) Does it impact the kids?
2) What is the purpose of my response and does that purpose line up with my goals?

For me at the time, my goal was total detachment - so I choose many times NOT to respond.

At the end of the day, you need to feel comfortable with whatever/however you want to interact with H. So take what I say with a grain of salt.


Peace,
Eric