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[Elora]

Hi everyone!

I had a wonderful relationship with my husband before we got married. We both came from 2 dysfunctional families and we both were far too emotional .

My British Indian husband left me when I was 8 months pregnant (September 2012) because we were always fighting and a therapist had apparently advised him to "stay away from me" as much as possible because we fought.So instead of spending time with him as a newly married couple, after work he would go to his mom's (84 years old). He would also flirt with another women two weeks after our wedding because he said "he felt depressed because of me".
When I became pregnant same thing. He was always at his mom's. One day I turned to his mother's place and asked him to solve our problems and stop hiding. We had a row and he slapped me. Social Services became involved and then we went on honeymoon to Cancun where he exploded again and verbally abused me for silly things.

In August 2012 he begged me to live our marital home 8 months pregnant because "we were fighting". Yes, I was incredibly emotional and I was furious to be married to a man who would not buy a baby coat because "he was angry with me".

I left our marital home and moved to another place. I gave birth and when my child was 14 months he attacked me and I fought back. He ended up in prison for a night.

In May 2013 he made allegations against me and threatened to hit me and take away our son from me. At that point I was granted a non-molestation order and he was only allowed to see our son on a supervised basis a hour per week.

Recently we went to court to arrange his contact with our son. I am the resident parent and he can now sees him a day every week with the intention to extend it in the future.

My opinion is that I contributed to many of our problems and I admit that. I worked with a psychoterapist, Chuck from DB, mentors and I am currently studying the Bible to get rid of my resentment and anger. It's working miracles. However, I spoke to my husband last week, we've been separated for 17 months and haven't spoke for 9 months until last week. He knows that he has problems but he blames me for almost everything, which is scary. I believe that he is living in denial. He considers himself a victim of domestic violence because I scratched him on one occasion and grabbed his arm. I had become violent and defensive. I do not blame him but he has been incredibly cruel to me. he neglected me as a wife and as a mother of his child. I was ignored and blamed for everything.

My goal is to see my baby happy and this is happening. I have a diplomatic and polite interaction with his dad to arrange contact.

I wish he saw his faults but I have come to realize that I cannot help him. I can only help myself. DB helped me and is still helping me to work on my emotional and material independence instead of relying on someone who can only blame now.

Yes, it may sound crazy but I would like to give him another chance. It's too early now but who knows. He is looking for psychological help. Fingers crossed. I still love him and don't feel like giving up.

Lats week he told me that it usually takes 5 years for a couple to heal from domestic violence according to doctor. He also said that he just wants to work hard in these 5 years and buy a house. He hasn't mentioned getting back together but maybe he is contemplating the possibility. I don't know.